Second Chances
by MajesticFluff
Summary: After 14 miserable years of a life under rule of Orochimaru, young Kaiko gets the freedom she always hoped for, though it isn't as great as she had made it out to be in her head. Meeting team 10 could possibly be the best thing that has ever happened to her and as trust is earned, relationships grow and love blooms. Shikamaru x OC
1. Prolouge

Warnings and disclaimer only in this chapter because I forget to add them into all the others.

Warning: Cussing and soft sexual themes. Also violence.

Disclaimer: I do not own or have any part in the creation of Naruto, I do not make money off of this fanfiction.

Anyways, this first chapter is to introduce my OC. So please enjoy (:

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_There were Christmas lights all around me; I will never forget that one detail. They weren't those multi-colored, green and red cheesy ones that you wrap around your families Christmas tree. No, these lights were as if heaven had been captured in a small teardrop shaped glass cage. Begging to be let out, it shone brightly in order to capture the attention of any free living being near. _

_The sad part being, if anyone broke the glass to let it free, it would merely die. Really, it was a perfect metaphor for how I viewed life. I laid there on that snow-covered pavement staring at those stunning Christmas lights. _

_I honestly could not tell if I were alive or dead. My entire backside was numb due to lying in the cold snow for so long. Every breathe I took a small cloud of white puffed out of my mouth or nose. I was there for hours, just staring at the starry cloud covered sky. At one point in the night, I remember reaching up towards the sky, stretching my arm as high as possible in an attempt to reach the sky. _

_I so badly wanted to be up there, alone in a quiet place full of clouds that moved freely. To be able to look down at the world from above, to see it for its true beauty without seeing the corruption humans create. _

_Honestly, I should have been out exploring seeing how it was my first night of freedom, my first night seeing the sky, feeling fresh air on my delicate pale skin. My first chance at eating something other than fish and some unknown broth. It was my first night truly being alive, but before I even made it 10 miles, I found myself lying down in the snow. I laid there for hours just thinking and staring, alone, cold and totally lost. _

_That is the thing about having been locked up your entire life, you dream of freedom every waking moment, you dream of it when you sleep. However, when you get that freedom you so desperately hoped for, you have no idea what to do with it. _

_No longer is there someone telling you where to go or what to do. You no longer have any rules or restrictions and you completely forget how to function. I felt trapped in my freedom, along with overwhelming emotions of joy and relief. From this point in my life, I would never again be an experiment. My life would never again be constantly at risk for something as stupid as finding new jutsu or creating some super shinobi. I would never end up a failed experiment tossed in the trash when my dead body proved useless. _

_Though from the moment I was let go, one horrible thought shook me up so badly I thought I was going to vomit. What now? Where would I go from there? _

_I went over so many options that night, I have the skills to a lot more than a lot other ninja could. I am strong and intelligent. That would make the most sense, I am completely alone with no family or friends, what do I have to lose? I have nothing to live for really, I only merely exist. _

_I could pretend to be powerless and start a normal life in some small village far away from that terrible 'hide-out'. I could become a teacher or work in some small, run-down ma and pa shop. I could also join a gang. I could completely re-invent myself; I can become anyone I want. One thing, the only thing I could thank Orochimaru for is the amount of combat skill and intelligence he gave me. He may have been cold and cruel, he may have used me for my unique power, he may have hurt me both physically and mentally, but he also gave me immense strength in both body and mind and now that I am free, I can be whomever I please. _

Now here I am, in some shady tavern in the sound village with a cup of sake in front of me. Sake, my one and only, not to mention highly illegal for me to consume friend. Every now and then, I let my eyes wander to someone across the room, observing them as they interact with their real, breathing friends. However, for the most part I stare at my own reflection in the window. I look normal, like civilian normal. I have long wavy blonde hair. It is a pale blonde, with a tint of light brown in it, completely natural and normal. My hair ends at the bottom of my rips, finishing with a bunch of small curls. My eyes are huge and they sparkle even when I am utterly depressed, my lashes are long and noticeable, the top line curling up towards the upper eyelid, the bottom line of lashes is a bit shorter but still long, messy and hangs low. My lashes really make my eyes pop without needing the help of make-up. The color of my eyes is a light golden brown and they are soft looking. If I were not me, I would even say they are comforting to look into.

My body is small but not the worst, my breasts are the smallest B cup around but my stomach is flat and I have small curves. My clothes are simple, a light pink tank top and a black leather jacket with slightly baggy, black sweat pants with some white wrappings wrapped around both legs above the ankles, along with simple black shinobi boots. My legs are thin and my thighs don't touch, I look a tad starved. I am not the worst looking; I would say I am pretty, but average. My eyebrows are thin and well shaped, my nose small, my lips a pale pink. I guess you could say I have a heart shaped face. My features are soft and innocent looking, almost child-like.

Okay, well technically, I am a kid, only 14 years old, but mentally I feel older. I guess after spending my entire life preparing to die any day, I grew up faster than I should have. However, that is not uncommon with people who grow up in the life of a ninja. From day one, I was being prepped and trained the ways of a ninja, only to later be given to Orochimaru.

I think the fact that my parents planned to make me, have me and train me to be strong in order to be of value to Orochimaru is the worst part of my entire life. How Orochimaru and Kabuto treated me, I could deal with. How that one stuck up jerk, Sasuke came to Orochimaru of his own freewill in order to kill his brother I could deal with. How he treated me like dirt and used me for his own gain. How he could never see how lucky he was that he at least at one point in his life he had a family that loved him and wanted him. How he always had a place called home to return to in the leaf, how damn lucky he was to have friends who constantly fought to get him back. I could deal with all of that, but the fact that the two people, who gave me life, only had me in order to give their precious 'Lord Orochimaru' something of value that is one thing I will never be able to deal with.

I notice my grip on the cup in front of me is tighter and I am starting to glare at myself in the window, making me look a bit insane. I chug the rest of the sake and slam some money down on the table before I take off out the door before anyone can question my age or my obviously fake ID.

Outside is cold and once again, it is raining. I sigh, not wanting to deal with my hair I pull it back into a high ponytail before strolling casually to the home of one of the villagers I helped out during my stay in the village, she offered me a room to sleep in for the night before moving onto the next village. I have been getting money here and there from small favors I do for the villagers but I have mostly been spending it on a places to sleep, bread every other day and sake. However, this time around I didn't have enough money to afford an inn.

Once inside I pull off my boots before making my way inside the room, leaving them by the door so the carpet does not get wet. I open the small top dresser drawer, pull out my poor excuse for a backpack, and get out a long grey t-shirt to sleep in. I look under the bed to make sure my two katanas are still there safe in the 'x' shaped double sword holster that goes on my back.

Satisfied, I go into the bathroom and undress to get into the shower. As I strip, I stop to observe my body in the mirror. Long scars from surgeries cover my stomach and back, accompanied by scars from gashes Sasuke put in me during the training sessions he forced me into while Orochimaru was out. I sigh as I step into the shower, once inside the hot water sooths my aching muscles and at first, I feel a sense of relief and a sort of blank bliss before the wave of utter misery washes over me.

Usually the wave hits me after those first blissful seconds of waking in the morning, but every now and then, it hits me in the shower or after a good training session. You'd think that I would get used to the random waves of misery, but every single time it hits, it hits hard. I nearly collapse in the shower, but I hold myself up by the tiles.

I bite my lip until it bleeds trying to hold back the tears stinging at my eyes but ultimately they start to spill. I slip down the tiles onto the porcelain floor of the tub before breaking out into a loud and painful sob, the blood from my lip mixing in with the water that was relentlessly pounding onto the top of my head and down my back.

I hate this, I feel disgustingly weak and pathetic. I keep telling myself how lucky I am to be free of that wretched place, how great it is that I am making a life for myself now and moving on. How fucking fantastic it is that I could start making a new life for myself at the age of 14, but all I can feel is misery and dread. I am alone and scared and I want somewhere to return home to, someone to love me and care about my well-being. I want someone to notice and be sad if I died tomorrow. I want a place I can call home.

In order to stop the sobs I punch the tiles in front of me a few times causing a good-sized crack, sending jolts and throbs of pain from my knuckles up into my wrist. The skin on my knuckles bruises turning an ugly shade of purple. The sobs stop though and to me that is all that matters now. I stand and turn off the water before stepping out and wrapping a small white towel around my small frame. I look in the mirror and notice how tired I look, my eyes look dead right now, barely holding their usual sparkle. Usually I could fool anyone into thinking I was perfectly happy but now I could not fool anyone.

I slip on the long grey t-shirt on over my head before taking brushing my hair softly. Leaving the bathroom, I notice that someone is jiggling the handle of the doorknob. I grab the kunai that I hid under my pillow and walk to the door quietly. I look into the peephole to see a blonde girl, who looked dirty and tired messing with the locked handle and jiggling it angrily. I lift an eyebrow, curious as to why she was here.

I open the door quickly but smoothly, but not slowly enough seeing how the blonde girl nearly falls into my arms before catching herself.

"You need something?" I ask, leaning against the doorframe with my elbow, not even trying to look happy. I let all my misery show, hoping maybe it will make her leave faster, the last thing I need to deal with is some bitchy stuck up chick.

She creases her eyebrows in confusion before looking me up and down, "I was told this was the room I could sleep in tonight."

I push myself from the frame before glancing over at the empty twin bed across the floor from the bed I claimed. I try not to groan in annoyance before letting her step into the room. I was naïve to think I would get the room to myself, seeing how the favor I did for the old biddy was moving some runaways across the sounds boarder. This girl must be another runaway, staying for the night before making her way out of the sound.

"Sorry, I didn't know someone else was sleeping here tonight as well, are you a runaway?" I ask, figuring since I am already planning on leaving the village I could always help her across, maybe trade something in return.

She laughs lightly as she sets her things down onto the bed, "No, I'm a shinobi; I'm on an undercover mission and was assigned this safe house to stay in until I complete my mission."

Interested now, along with a mixture of loneliness, I sit on my bed before grabbing a pillow and holding it in my lap, "That sounds interesting! You know, I always hear about the amazing things village shinobi get to do and some of the things they get to see. Is it true all your travel expenses are paid for?"

"Uh, well, not really." She laughs awkwardly, "Village shinobi? Is there any other kind?" she asks.

It is my turn to laugh awkwardly, "Oh, sorry for my lack of good labeling, I'm kind of new to this whole shinobi thing. I'm kind of own my own, it isn't like I'm a rouge ninja, because I've never belonged to a village before, I'm just alone, moving from village to village, getting work wherever I can."

"Oh! I would never have guessed you were a ninja also; you look so, so…well, I'm not sure how you look, just not like a ninja really."

"Yeah, I know, I look a lot like a civilian but I'm deadly!" I laugh a little but stop noticing she is starting to look a little on guard. "No worries though, I don't have a bad bone in me, I just do favors for villagers in exchange for shelter, food or money."

I notice that she loosed up a bit at that, her smile returning, "I'm Ino, by the way, Ino Yamanaka."

I force a soft smile back in return "I'm Kaiko Zenki, but you can call me Kai"

"It's nice to meet you"

"You as well." I nod.

"If you'd like, you can join me and my teammates for breakfast in the morning, I'm sure they'd like you."

"Oh, well, I…"

"You don't have to if you don't want to." She gives me a frown.

"No, no, no, It isn't that I don't want to, it's just that…" I trail off, looking away slightly, my misery slowly seeping back, the wave threatening to hit at any moment.

"Just that…" Ino edges me on.

"I've never been asked that before, I just don't know how to respond."

Ino laughs a little too loud for my liking, making me shrink back into my invisible shell.

"You've got nothing to worry about, I'll take that as a yes to breakfast, and don't worry about having to talk too much or anything, my teammates will do plenty of that for you." She smiles, and for a second it warms my heart, for a second I allow myself to pretend that this girl is my friend, and will stay my friend. For a second I am truly happy.

For the first time in my life I am truly excited for something to happen, and I fall asleep looking forward for tomorrow to come.

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AH, wow, that is the longest thing I have written in weeks!

I am so proud of it though! Please review, of course I will still post the next chapter if you do not, but It will sure inspire me to get it done a lot faster if I know someone is waiting on me. *hint hint…wink wink*

I hope you liked it!


	2. Please Allow Me To Help

Warning: There is a kind of graphic, violent flash back in this chapter.

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The sun peeked through the heavy curtains making my face extremely warm. I groan and cover my face with the pillow, attempting to fall back asleep. However, before I can even close my eyes again the pillow is ripped out of my hands and off my face. I sit up startled and look around tiredly.

Ino is standing next to the bed, fully clothed and ready for the day, one hand on her hip, the other holding my pillow. I try to glare her away but she just shakes her head before throwing the pillow back towards me.

"Wake up and get ready if you want to come to breakfast with us, Choji is throwing a fit." She says, walking into the bathroom and putting her hair up.

Sitting up, I walk over to the dresser and pull out my usual outfit before walking into the bathroom as well, "Choji?" I question.

"Oh, he's one of my teammates; he's a bit obsessed with food. Also, whatever you do, do not call him fat."

"No worries, I'm not one to go throwing out insults." I say as I finish getting dressed by pulling my arms into the sleeves of my leather jacket. Ino turns and gives me a once over, stopping at my hair.

"Can I do your hair today?" She asks; I can see the excitement sparkling in her eyes.

I am a little hesitant, I have never been around another girl really, nor do I usually care about the state of my hair, I usually just wear it down or in a ponytail to get it out of the way. The concept of doing ones hair just for fun confuses me really. I give in though, the excitement in her eyes making me cave, "Sure" I say simply and she practically squeals in excitement, making me flinch slightly.

"Okay, sit on the edge of the bathtub with your feet inside the tub."

I do as told; I can still feel a bit of wetness from what I am guessing was Ino's shower this morning. I feel as she starts to softly brush my hair, she sections a small piece from the side and pushes my bangs forwards. I feel her start to braid my hair before stopping and grabbing all the hair on the other side of my head, twisting a few times before connecting the unbraided part of the other side with the end of the twisted part and tying them together. She brushes my bangs back towards my ear again and letting all the loose hair fan down my back and over my left shoulder.

"There, all done." Seconds after she says that, there is a knock on the door.

"Coming," Ino yells before turning to me, "Let's go." She smiles at me before turning on her heel and heading towards the door.

I walk out to see an older man with a beard and side burns talking with Ino, I notice he is wearing a leaf headband, meaning that Ino is also from the leaf. I scan her over as she turns to me and notice the band around her waist. I feel dumb for not noticing before; I also panic a little, even though they have no idea who I am, I know about their village, I know and worked with some of their biggest rouge ninja. Even though deep down I really wish I could belong to a village, I know that if they knew of my past and where I came from, all that would happen is I would get questioned and interrogated for information, most of which I really don't have and then either kicked out or locked up.

"Ready?" Ino questions, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Oh yeah, I just need to grab my things, since I don't plan on coming back here." I say and they nod.

I grab my bag and put it on the bed before getting on my knees and grabbing the katanas. I stand and strap the holster to my back. Turning, I see both the older man and Ino a little on guard. I sigh, I know we just met, but the complete lack in distrust rather annoys me. I grab the bag and make my way towards them.

"Ready." I say, they nod and I follow them out the door after slipping my shoes on.

"Oh, Kai, this is my sensei, Asuma. Sensei, this is Kai, we ended up sharing a room last night."

Asuma smiles at me, "So Kai, what village are you from." Ino winces.

"I don't belong to any village…" I pause, looking at my feet, "I never have."

"Oh, where did you learn your skills then?" He asks, Ino looks interested in this as well.

I bite my lip, putting on a depressed expression, "It's a long story. One I rather not get into."

"I see." He looks at me out of the corner of his eye. I can't tell if he is suspicious or concerned, but I know it is one of the two.

* * *

Once inside the breakfast café, I order broiled fish and Tamagoyaki with an unsweetened green tea. I have to hold my tongue in order not to comment on the large amount of food Choji has ordered, based on Ino's warning not to call him fat. He seems like a really sweet guy though, so I guess that makes up for it. I wonder if his weight gets in the way of his shinobi life.

"Sensei, where is Shikamaru?" Choji asks with a mouth full of food.

Ino glares at him, "Don't talk with your mouth full!"

"He is on his way; he was being a little extra lazy this morning. I think he may be a bit exhausted from the long trip yesterday."

"Isn't being lazy a rather bad quality for a shinobi?" I question before taking a small sip of my green tea.

"Well, that'd be the case for anyone else really, but you'd be surprise at what Shikamaru can do with how lazy that boy is."

"Oh well—"

I'm interrupted by Choji, once again talking with a full mouth, "Speaking of the devil; Hey, Shikamaru, over here!"

I look up to see him, and I feel as if my heart has shot up into my throat, my stomach flips and I feel panicked. His posture is atrocious, it's like he is leaning against an invisible wall and he yaws so big I slightly fear his jaw will dislocate, he also poorly covers his mouth. However, it suits him perfectly. He seems so calm and collected, and just _so comfortable in his own skin._

He sits down next to Choji and looks me straight in the eyes, raising one eyebrow in confusion. He looks at Asuma, points at me and asks, "Who's this?"

Ino rolls her eyes, "Way to come off as rude Shikamaru."

"This is Kaiko, though she likes to be called Kai. Ino shared a room with her last night and invited her to have breakfast with us." Asuma says before sticking a cigarette in his mouth and lighting the end with a Zippo.

"Oh, nice to meet you." He smiles lazily at me, I freeze and end up just staring at him for a minute straight before finally Ino clears her throat and gives me a questioning look.

"O-oh, sorry, I…erm, I kind of spaced out. I a-apologize, nicetomeetyoutoo." I finish talking a little too fast and laugh nervously, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly.

He gives an awkward laugh in return and waves his hand back and fourth in front of his face, "That's alright."

He starts to order something and I attempt to avoid any further eye contact as I fiddle with my tea cup silently. Finally Choji puts down the food for a few minutes in order to talk seriously.

"So, sensei, when do we start with the mission?" He asks, his entire outer appearance seeming to change, making him look a bit more mature than the Choji I saw just a few seconds ago.

Asuma looks at me quickly with a cautioned look in his eyes, obviously still weary about talking about such matters in front of me. I give him an innocent smile in attempt to calm his nerves, really what use would I have in ruining their mission? He looks away, looking less cautious but not entirely trusting.

"Pretty soon, we are supposed to meet with the person who hired us in about two hours." He says, taking a short puff of the cigarette between his teeth.

A little curious I let the question slip out before I can even stop myself, "Ino said you were on an undercover mission, is it really okay for you to talk about this in front of me?" They all seem a bit surprised by my question but Asuma laughs lightly.

"Well, not unless you're secretly the enemy."

"Oh, no, I'm not your enemy, it's just that… I thought you guys would be a bit more secretive than this."

"I wouldn't say anything of importance in front of you, no offence; we just don't know you well enough. That said, I really don't feel as though you are a threat to us or our mission." Asuma smiles again, his smile is contagious and I can't help but very lightly smile in return.

"Well, you know… I know this area well, for all you know I could really be helpful to you." I fake a laugh but quickly stop when I notice that they all seem oddly serious.

"Are you joking? Because in all honesty, this area is completely new to us and it would help us immensely to have a guide." Asuma leans in a little closer towards me.

"No, I'm not joking. I know this area like the back of my hand, I grew up here."

"Would you be willing to help us?" Shikamaru cuts in.

I blush and avoid eye contact with him but I nod, "Yeah, but I'll have to know more details."

"Right, we are to infiltrate one of the many layers of Orochimaru, he's a rouge—"

My facial features harden a bit, I look down at the table as I interrupt him, "I know who he is…" I say, not wanting to hear about him.

Asuma hesitates before clearing his throat, "Alright, so our mission objective is to locate his current hideout and recover a precious jewel that he stole from our client, it is a very valuable stone that has many minerals in it that Orochimaru could use for some of his experiments. I guess this time around he is attempting to make some sort of chemical that will assist in chakra growth in children so that they can survive his cruel experiments longer."

I think that they are waiting for me to respond, but my voice is stuck in my throat. I know where I am but all I can see is the worst experiment I ever lived there, making my skin crawl as I recall the memory.

* * *

_**Its dark here, and the table I am tied to is so cold against my bare skin that it burns slightly, making small parts of my skin feel numb. The restraints are so tight that the tips of my fingers are tingling and I'm starting to not be able to feel them. The door creeks open and light floods in, stinging my eyes. **_

_**At the sound of the door closing I slowly open my eyes again. I see Kabuto lighting the last candle of ten before turning to me. He smirks at me evilly, letting his eyes trail up and down my half naked body. His voice is low when he speaks and it drips with venom. **_

"_**Such beautiful skin you have Kaiko-Chan, it's such a shame I'm going to have to cut it up, but no worries, you won't feel a thing." He laughs; it feels like it is aimed towards me. His laugh his pure evil. **_

_**I panic when he walks closer, his hands glowing green, he touches me and runs his hands all over my body. I go completely numb from the neck down when he is done. **_

"_**Sorry to do this to you Kaiko-Chan, but seems Sasuke is being a bit impatient today, so I won't have anytime to ease you into the procedure. Try not to go into shock, okay?" I can tell he isn't sorry at all. **_

_**My heart is racing and all I can do is watch as he grabs a small surgical knife from the small silver table next to the metal exam table I lay on. I want to look away as he digs into my skin but my eyes are glued to the scene. My breathing quickens and I start to sob, though I can't really feel the pain, my brain knows what's happening and somehow I can still feel it, like some sort of phantom pain. **_

"_**Please stop, please. Oh god, I'm scared." I cry out as I start to struggle. **_

_**He slaps me and yells, "STOP FUCKING MOVING…or it'll only get worse." He ends in a cheery tone, smiling at me. **_

_**I sob still but stop struggling as I lay helpless watching as my blood pours out of me into a round container labeled with my name and subject number. Kabuto seals the container and sets it on a shelf next to some other person's body parts. He grabs a small bottle full of purple liquid and walks back to me. **_

"_**Now this one may hurt a little." His smile grows and it creeps me out, "We know that because of your special skills, you can't receive blood transfusions, this is a little something I've been working on that makes it so when your blood is running low, your body will quickly make more blood to make up for its loss." **_

_**He opens the bottle after prying my skin apart with a clip, holding the gaping wound open. He pours the liquid into me and it burns. It burns like a chemical burn and I can't help but scream, my vision turns white before fading to black and I pass out.**_

* * *

I shake myself out of the flashback at the sound of Ino's voice, "Kai? Kai, are you okay?" she asks.

I smile at her and nod, "Sorry, I was just remembering something, I'm fine." I touch my side where the scar of that incident lay hidden under my clothing, "Anyways, I have a pretty good idea as to where his hideout is, and once we find it, I am pretty confident that I can get you in, but I can't promise I can get you out."

"You don't have to help us past finding the hideout, it would be unnecessary, and there is no point in getting yourself hurt, this isn't your mission." Asuma says.

"Please! Please, let me help…" I can feel tears threaten to spill from my eyes but I force them back, "It's not my mission, but I have my own personal reasons for wanting to help you. I can't stomach the idea of Orochimaru being able to do those disgusting experiments, if I can at all help hinder his work, I want to. I don't want to see others suffer the way…" I stop myself before I end up telling them my entire life story.

"I just hate Orochimaru, and I want to help you stop him, so please, let me." I finish, biting my bottom lip.

Asuma's eyes soften when he looks at me, I can tell he suspects I have some personal grudge against Orochimaru, he just can't tell what exactly. Though, I think he wants to allow me to somehow vent my hate, so he agrees with a smile, "Sure."

"Thank you." I catch Shikamaru smirking towards Asuma out of the corner of my eye. He seems amused by his kindness, but also he looks as though he admires him for it. My stomach flips as I take in his facial features and I can feel my face grow warm. I force myself to look away and towards the table again.

I don't know why I am reacting this way; I have never felt so nervous around a single person. I really can't put a name to this feeling, but somehow it feels good. Being around Shikamaru makes me feel warm.

And I find myself never wanting to part with him, not just him either. I can't help but feel a sort of safety around all of these people, and this is a feeling I think that I could get used to.

I grit my teeth and shake the thought away, I don't truly belong with these people and I after this mission I will probably never see them again. That thought makes me heart hurt and I try to shove that pain deep down inside, somewhere I can't tell it is there, but I can't and I hate it.

I hate how weak I am.

* * *

Well, I am going to end this chapter here.

Next chapter will be out next Saturday. "The Mission Begins."

Special thank you to Corta for being my first reviewer! Your review made me super happy and thank you for letting me know that you've been waiting for this chapter. It really inspired me to hurry up and write it so I could post it for you. Knowing someone is enjoying my work really helps! Please keep reading, it means a lot ^-^!


	3. The Mission Begans

_**Hello all! Chapter 3 is out a day early, yay! **_

_**I really hope you like it, I finished it on my 18**__**th**__** birthday. May 2**__**nd**__**! Woo adult life.**_

_**Anyways, onwards to the chapter! Enjoy (: **_

* * *

**I can't breathe. My heart hurts and I'm scared. Am I going to die here? Is this really the end? **

"**Please…stop." I say barely under a whisper, I'm not sure if Kabuto can even hear me as he drills into my skin. Honestly, I can't tell if this is dying or shock but I can tell that it feels terrible. What is the point of this experiment again? I can't remember since I wasn't really listening when he explained it; I was too focused on the drill in his hand. **

**With fuzzy vision I watch as Kabuto cuts off a piece of one of my organs, I think it might be a kidney. Maybe this has something to do with the small part of the stem cell he took from me the other week. I vaguely remember him saying something about growing spare organs for me using stem cells. **

**Why doesn't he ever put me to sleep for these experiments? He just numbs me and lets me watch. It's terrifying, and I'm not sure how much longer I can stomach the sight of my own inner body. **

**Fuck, the numbing is warring off and the pain is slowly fading in. I can feel as he stitches up my skin. I can't stop the heart wrenching scream I let out as the pain hits me full force. **

"**Oh shut up, I'm finished." Kabuto says, slapping the freshly stitched skin making me cry harder.**

"**Really, you're such a cry baby Kaiko-Chan." **

"**Can…I just…have something…to numb the pain…please Kabuto." I manage to choke out between cries.**

"**I guess…you do have training with Sasuke this evening right?" **

"**Y-Yes, I do." I try to hold in another cry but it breaks through, sounding more like a sob than I would have liked. **

"**Alright, I'll get it to you an hour before your training." Kabuto says and I feel my heart flutter in relief. **

**I hear Kabuto chuckle evilly before leaning down, his mouth inches from my ear, "Oh and Kaiko-Chan," he pauses, "Happy Birthday." he finished with a jab into the newly stitched wound in my side, causing me to screech in pain. **

* * *

I sit up from the flashback type dream, a cold sweat has broken over my entire body and I throw one of my hands over my mouth to muffle a scream from the memory.

I jump when I hear Shikamaru behind me, "You okay over there?" he asks, starting to walk closer.

"I'll live…" I reply after re-gaining my composure, I give him a small fake smile.

He frowns at me as he buries his hands in his pants pockets, "You shouldn't do that." He says quietly.

"Do what?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows at him.

"Fake a smile; it doesn't look right on you."

I let my eyes drop to the ground as the fake smile falls from my features, I don't reply.

A few seconds of silence goes by before he finally clears his throat, "You should go back to sleep, I have to go keep watch." He turns to leave but I speak up before he is out of hearing range.

"Can I come with you, I really don't think I can go back to sleep." I bite my bottom lip, still staring at the ground.

I can feel his eyes on me, they stay there for a few more seconds before he looks away and replies, "Sure."

* * *

The night sky is really beautiful. I can almost compare it the first night sky I saw a few months prier. However, tonight's sky is different somehow. It may be the full moon fully lighting the sky, causing the Milky Way to really shine, or it might be the fluttery feelings in my stomach and heart caused by sitting next to Shikamaru. Either way tonight feels amazing.

"I love the night sky." I whisper to Shikamaru, deciding to end the surprisingly comfortable silence between us.

"Me too, I really…" He pauses, I watch him out the corner of my eye; he is still staring at the sky and I can tell he is thinking. "I really cherish the sky, day or night." He finishes his thought, seemingly satisfied with this choice of words.

I let my gaze leave his features and look at the sky again, "I feel safer at night." I say.

He makes a quiet sound, letting me know he was listening. I appreciate that he isn't trying to pry into my past, though I keep talking, not wanting the conversation to die out.

"I love the night sky, because I feel less trapped, It's nice to be able to see past our world. It's reassuring knowing that there is more to the universe than just this planet. For some reason I love the Milky Way the most, I guess because it never dies."

"Have you ever heard the Chinese mythology about the Milky Way?" He asks.

"No I haven't. Would you teach me?" I ask, leaning my upper body a little closer to him, I tip my head to the side and give him a small puppy dog face.

He smirks at me softly and nods, "The Chinese thought of the Milky Way as the River of Heaven, where the mothers of the Sun and Moon bathe their children before they enter the sky."

"Interesting." I say, honestly I don't care much for mythology, but I love the sound of his voice, so I look interested in hope he'll continue.

"Also, according to old Chinese household folklore, the Milky-Way is a wide river that separates two star-crossed lovers represented by the stars Altair and Vega. Only once a year can the two reunite for one night."

"Oh, I never knew that, what else?" I ask a little bit more sarcastic than I meant it to sound.

He raises an eyebrow at me but keeps going, "A young cowherd named Niulang, which is the star Altair, came across seven fairy sisters bathing in a lake. He stole their clothes and only agreed to give them back if one of the sisters would marry him. The youngest and most beautiful of the fairy sisters, Zhinü, which is the star Vega, agreed to his request for marriage. They lived happily together and had two children. But the Goddess of Heaven found out that Zhinü, a fairy girl, had married a mere mortal. The Goddess was furious and forced the fairy back to her former duty of weaving colorful clouds, a task she had neglected while living on earth with a mortal. On Earth, Niulang was very upset that his wife had disappeared, so he carried his two beloved children off to Heaven to find Zhinü. The Goddess discovered this and was very angry. Taking out her hairpin, the Goddess scratched a wide river in the sky to separate the two lovers forever, thus forming the Milky Way between Altair and Vega. Zhinü must sit forever on one side of the river, sadly weaving on her loom, while Niulang watches her from afar and takes care of their two children represented by Altair's two flanking stars. But once a year all the magpies in the world would take pity on them and fly up into heaven to form a bridge, "the bridge of magpies", over the nearby star Deneb, so the lovers may be together for a single night, which is the seventh night of the seventh moon."

"Cool!" I exclaim happily.

"You don't really care do you." He asks flatly.

I rub the back of my neck laughing awkwardly, "Not really, sorry. I just didn't want the conversation to end." I confess.

"I guess its okay." He says shrugging.

"Really, are you sure?" I ask, a little worried he is irritated with me.

"Yeah, you seem truly happy for once. So really, it's fine." He says, giving me a small smile.

My heart dances in my chest and I give him a real smile in return. I can't tell if he blushes or if he is just surprised to see me really smile for once, but all the same, his smile grows a little bit at sight of my own.

"Now that smile, that one suits you." He says before his gaze turns to scan the forest floor.

My heart is racing and I can't look away from him. I force myself to look back towards the sky before I allow myself to talk again.

"Hey Shikamaru..." I say to get his attention.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." My voice is quiet and soft; I would be lying if I didn't say it made me sound about five years younger.

"What for?" He questions.

"This is the best birthday I've ever had." I can feel him look at me; I wonder what he is thinking.

"Oh, you're welcome then." Is all he says, and I'm thankful he doesn't question anything.

After that he makes me go back to bed and I do, convinced that there is no way I could have another nightmare due to how happy I am.

* * *

Asuma wakes us all up; I am the first he wakes. I look over to watch him wake up the other three as I pack my small blanket back into my bag. Though, my eyes are mostly on Shikamaru. He is just as gorgeous first thing in the morning as he is throughout the rest of the day.

_Wait, I think he's gorgeous?_

The realization makes my heart jump, the sudden feeling in my chest kind of hurts. I decide to ignore these thoughts and force myself to look away from him in order to finish getting ready for the day. We should be at the hideout within the next four or five hours and I shouldn't be distracting myself with thoughts of him.

I deicide to run a few steps ahead of Shikamaru so I don't end up staring at him. Instead I run next to Asuma, telling him I should be in the lead with him.

The entire way we are quiet, not wanting to be caught by any possible guards outside the hideout. When we arrive at the opening of the hideout my heart feels like it is about to explode and I feel like I need to start running away. However, the thought of any children having to go through what I did forces me to keep going.

I pretend as though I don't know where the opening is, not wanting them to grow to suspicious of me or my past.

* * *

If I thought my heart was going to explode outside, once inside I am almost sure of it. As we walk down the long corridors I can feel the need to vomit at the back of my throat at a constant.

It is almost impossible to hear anything over the sound of my own heart; I can feel it pounding in my ears. I am over heating; I am no longer sure if I can do this. I start to turn around, prepared to run any second now. Before I can though, Asuma stops at a door, making every one else stop as well.

"I think this might be it." He says. I know he is wrong, I know exactly what room that is. It is the training room. For all I know, Sasuke could be in there, or any of the thousands of followers that Orochimaru has. Hell, Kabuto might even be in there. I need to stop him from opening that door, but if I do, they'll know I've been in here before; they'll want me to explain how.

Before I can even make my decision, it is already made for me. We all turn at the sound of foot steps behind us. My heart stops, I am sure of it.

"Oh, Kaiko-Chan, I didn't peg you for such a dumbass. Coming back here, really…do you have a death wish?" Kabuto smirks at me.

I look behind me at the four utterly confused and, dare I say, angry faces of the team I had just gotten to know. My feelings of panic are instantly replaced with utter dread and fear of losing any respect these four had for me.

I shake the feeling off and decide to become numb; I've had enough of these damn emotions. It takes a few seconds to let as much emotion as I can possibly get to fade to disappear. When I finally shove them deep down inside myself I let myself reply.

"I don't really plan on dying anytime soon, Kabuto." I reply, letting venom drip in my voice, letting my want to rip his head off apparent.

He simply laughs and it only pisses me off more, "Your actions would say otherwise."

"The hell is going on here Kai." Ino speaks up, her obvious mix of anger and confusion in her voice.

I end up glaring at her along with Kabuto, whom seemed to not even notice them until she spoke. He quickly re-gains his composure and laughs again; I wince because I really hate his laugh.

"Ah, Kaiko-Chan, are you keeping secrets again? That has _always _been a bad habit of yours."

"Shut up!" I yell at him, instantly drawing my swords the second I let the words come out.

"Do you plan on killing me with that Kaiko-Chan?" he tilts his head to the side, a crazed look on his face.

"You fucking bet I am." I reply, griping the swords harder.

"Awe, that's adorable." He laughs more.

I launch myself at him; I swing around and aim a kick at his chin. He blocks me and I end up kicking his forearm. I turn my body around quickly and go to cut his arm open, attempting to ruin his block.

He does a few back flips in order to avoid my attack, "Oh you're really great at dodging attacks Kabuto, fantastic fucking job." I laugh before running my fastest behind him and try to shove the blade into his back. I almost get it but he ducks down the last second, swinging around and kicking my feet, causing me to quickly fall onto my ass. I wince in pain before flipping back onto my feet.

"Yeah, but you're not apparently." He smirks, "I highly doubt you've approved enough in the past few months to beat me."

I grind my teeth in annoyance because I know he is right, I have been more focused on getting money and food than I have been on training. I go to launch another attack on him but I find that I can't due to a hand now wrapped around my upper arm. I look back to see Asuma holding me back and glaring at Kabuto.

Why? Why would he stop me? Annoyed, I rip my arm out of his grip and glare at him.

"You're only going to get yourself killed Kai." He answers me before I even have a chance to ask.

"I don't really think that is any of your business, you should hurry up and get that thing you need to complete your mission." I start to launch another attack at Kabuto but am stopped again.

"The fuck is your issue?!" I scream at Asuma but quickly shut my mouth at the angry look he had aimed at me.

"A mission is a lot less important than a life, especially one as fresh as yours." He says, his anger quickly disappearing as he watches tears spill down my cheeks. He thinks my life is important?

"Awe, how sweet." Kabuto says sarcasm clear in his voice.

Before I can even look at him, Asuma is thrown away from me and a green glowing hand is thrown into my chest near my heart. My breath is taken away as I fly back and through a wall. I cough violently and blood flies out of my mouth.

I lay there for all of five seconds before my entire body goes numb, I can faintly feel my heart beating and quickly it grows weaker and weaker.

The world fuzzes before fading to black.

* * *

_**Ah, I know, terrible cliff hanger. And yeah I know, I really suck at fighting scenes, they're really not my thing. You'll have to forgive me. **_

_**I am sorry, please don't kill me! **_

_**Next chapter will be posted on Saturday the 10**__**th**__** of May. **_

_**Please, please review! **_


	4. PLEASE READ Not a chapter

This story is dead for the time being. I am sorry but I just have no inspiration what-so-ever to write any more of this and it may end up abandoned.

If you really have a horribly strong objection to this then PM me or review and tell me and I may finish. Or if you're a good writer and would like to finish this story on your own, I am more than willing to hand it over to you.

Just PM me if you want it.

If no one review or PM's me I think it is safe to assume that no one cares much or whatever and more than likely it'll end up dead. Or maybe at random I'll start updating it again.

I'm not trying to force reviews but I have so many story ideas that honestly this one seems rather pointless to me, especially if no one is reading.


	5. (Chapter 4) A strong friendship blooms

**Hey guys! Sorry for my random depressive note last chapter. I was feeling kind of down about this story.**

**Man, anon you saved this story truth be told, thank you so much for not allowing yet again another story of mine die. I get discouraged easily. Thank you for the review**

**Also, my laptop died and I have use this crappy desktop for a while and it doesn't have word, just wordpad so it doesn't have auto correct so I apoligize for any spelling mistakes, I will try not to let that happen.**

**Anyways, this is going to be a short chapter but I figure if I force the story to progress eventually my inpiration will come back. I already had this planned for this chapter I just don't really know how to write it. Hopefully I don't murder it too hard.**

**Warning: I think I might make Sasuke a bit out of character in this chapter but please bare with me, I wanted to make him cold and cruel but not completely heartless. I needed there to be a reason for Kaiko hating him more than just he is a bastard to her, like some sort of emotional reason. Also, there is mention of rape, so sorry if that bothers you.**

**Please enjoy!**

* * *

I hear beeping and talking all around me. Where am I exactly? My body is stiff, as if I haven't moved a muscle in days. My chest hurts the most and I am having trouble breathing, it feels almost automatic. When I try to swallow I feel a rather large object in my throat, going pretty far down.

Am I hooked up to some mechine? Who saved me? Shit, am I back at the hideout? Why would Kabuto try to kill me just to save me though? I slowly open my eyes but it hurts, and the sun in my face doesn't help. Thankfully though someone closes it when they notice me attempting to open my eyes.

At first, everything is fuzzy and the people in the room at just black blobs. Now that I am more awake I notice that the bed I am in is soft and there is blanket drapped over me, my clothes are more like hospital clothes too.

I stare at the roof until my eyes adjust and finally when I can make out some detail in the roof I look back towards the people in the room.

First person I notice is Ino talking to some big boobed blonde lady quietly so I can't hear. I look to the person removing the tube out of my throat carefully, she is really beautiful in my opinion. She has pink hair that falls down just above her shoulders. Her eyes are bright green and she looks worried, I can't help but wonder what she would look like with a relaxed smile on her features.

Once the tube is out of the way I attempt to speak, "Whe-re..am..I?" I manage to get out, though it hurts to speak and my throat is dry and voice sounds terrible.

She hands me water, which I drink greedly. My throat feels better after a few drink and can't help but to sigh in relief. As I start on my second cup, finally the pink haired medic talks, "You're in Konohagakure, the leaf village. Team Asuma brought you in. Please keep from talking too much, you're still healing."

I have to restrain from rolling my eyes at this, I know I heal fast but they don't know that, I have to remind myself of this, they're just trying to helpful. I've been through worse though.

"What happened to me exactly?" I ask after I take one last sip from the glass of water.

"You were attacked by Kabuto and he caused a blunt cardiac injury to your heart, it is an injury sustained due to blunt trauma to the heart, when he hit your chest with his jutsu he hit your heart. You were very close to dying when you were brought in, you had to undergo surgery. Really, you survived by a thin hair."

"Oh." Is all I can manage to say. Really, I don't care much if I had died, though I'm not really upset about being saved. Though, I sort of wish I had just died, when Ino and the blonde hair lady look at me I can already tell I am going to get interigated anytime now. I grip the blanket and wince at the slight pain in my fingers due to stiffness, "Thank you for saving me." I say to the pink haired girl, not wanting to seem like an ungrateful jerk.

She smiles softly at me, "My names Sakura by the way, Haruno Sakura."

I smile softly back, "Zenaki Kaiko, I'd like it if you called me Kai though."

"Can do"

"Sakura, can you leave us alone for a while?" The blonde hair lady says and Sakura nods.

She waves goodbye before making her way out the door. I let my eyes drop to my lap, the stares I feel aimed at me make me shift uncomfortably.

"I am Tsunade by the way, the Hokage." She offers as an ice breaker.

I snap my head up to look at her, "O-oh, hello. Sorry, I'm Kaiko."

"I know" she gives a very faint smile before leaning on the window seal while Ino takes a seat on a stool next to my bed.

"Naturally we have some questions, and since you don't seem to pose a threat to our village, I figured we'd do it in more of a civilized manner, verses taking you to the interigation room."

I nod stiffly and bite my lip, "I figured as much." I look over at Ino quickly before looking away. Seeing her makes my already injured heart hurt. Does she hate me now?

"Okay lets get to it then, Ino go get Ibiki and your father from the hall please."

"Yes ma'am." She says before leaving the room.

The instant the door closes I look up at Tsunade, I have to know, this is killing me, "Does Ino hate me?" I ask weakly. I wince at how pathetic I sound as my voice cracks slightly.

Tsuande looks at me, once again I see that look of concern, the same look Asuma gave me. She smiles weakly, "No, I don't think so." My heart seems to lighten just a bit at that and I nod.

The door opens again and Ino peeks in, "The rest of the team wants to join us, is this okay Tsunade-sama?"

"Yes, it is alright." she answers.

Ino opens the door the rest of the way and waves in a small crowd of people. Two men I have never seen before, one looks almost exactly like an older male Ino, I'm guessing that he is her father. The other man has a scarf type thing over his head with the lead headband metal peice attached. Following them is Asuma, Choji and Shikamaru. They all look at me the same besides Shikamaru who looks totally bored for some reason, it's starting to piss me off a little bit to be honest and I have to look away before glaring at one of them. In all their eyes I can see that they are looking at me like some broken toy and I want to yell.

"Kaiko is it?" The man with the scarf over his head says.

"Just Kai please..." I reply, he nods.

"I'm Ibiki. To be honest with you, I'm used to more cruel interigations, but I'm the only one available at this time, so you'll have to excuse me if I seem a bit cold." His face is stern as he talks, I can easily see why he would be the one to do the more scary interigations.

Ino's dad speaks up, "I'm Inoichi, I will be watching to see if you lie, if you do I will have to take you to my interigation room, where I will be searching your mind to find the truth." He looks stern as well and I have to force myself not to swallow in nervous habit.

I nod and quickly scan behind them where Asuma, Shikamaru, Choji and, Ino stand and watch.

"Okay, let's hurry up and do this, I have a lot of other things I need to tend to today as well." Tsunade says.

They nod, Ibiki takes a seat next to my bed and pulls out a note pad and pen,"Let's start from the begining, please tell us as much as you can remember from your life before being affiliated with Orochimaru."

I shrug, "There isn't anything to tell, I never had a life outside of Orochimaru until recent." I don't dare watch anyone's reaction besides Ibiki's. who's cold expressionless features comfort me.

Ibiki writes something down and then looks back at me, "What do you mean exactly."

I have to stop myself from groaning in frustration, "I never met my parents, they had me and gave me to Orochimaru as a present I guess. Orochiumaru and Kabuto raised me."

He writes down more, "Tell me about your up bringing then."

"Simple. If I wasn't being experimented on or being trained, I was in my room studying, drawing or sleeping. The only other time I was out of my room was during meal times." Ibiki nods and writes something again.

"Can you tell us how expirments are done?" Ibiki asks and I wince, do they really have to know about that?

"I- um. Okay..." I mentally slap myself as my voice stutters, "They were usually done by Kabuto unless deemed important enough, then Orochimaru would do them with help from Kabuto. I was always awake during, Kabuto would just numb my body and let me watch what was being done. Each experiment was different, some hurt, some didn't. Usually they were ways to improve my abilites, rarely did they involve trying to copy my abilites."

"And what abilites do you have?" Ibiki questions quickly after I finish talking.

"I can manipulate blood, I can infuse chakra into my blood and make it take differen't forms and use it instead of weapons like kunai. I can also infuse my chakra into an enemy and it'll act like a posion, you see If a person gets the wrong blood type you would know within the first 15 minutes of the blood transfusion as their body would quickly react by causing allergic type reactions, if can potentionally kill someone instantly if not extracted. I can also heal others though, if I know their blood type I can change the code of the blood I infuse into them."

Ibiki nods, "Interesting. Do you know Uchiha Sasuke?"

I look up towards Ino who looks nervous towards the answer of this question, I look at her dad who looks annoyed at my hesitation, "Yes, I do."

"What was your relationship with him?" Ibiki asks.

"I trained with him when Orochimaru could not." I answer, I don't tell the whole truth and I reget it immeditly as Inoichi suddenly watches me intensly, waiting for me to finish. I hate this, I have even avoided thinking about it for so long and I really didn't want others knowing what else Sasuke used me for. My heart starts to pound and I start playing with the blanket.

"Any more questions?" I ask, at least attempting to move on.

Now both Inoichi and Ibiki are basically glaring at me, "How about finishing answering the last one, before we have to make this difficult." Inoichi cuts in and wince at the tone of his voice.

I weakly nod, moving my hands to my stomach and aggresivily griping my sides as I softly keep talking.

"When he first arrived he was actually sort of kind to me, he gave me water a few times when Kabuto deprived me of it for acting up. However, as the months started to pass he became colder towards me, first using me only for training. It progressed to him taking his frustrations out on me after a long mission, he would get back and force me to train with him, even if I had just finished in the exam room with Kabuto. He would basically beat me close to death rather than train. I became a punching bag to him."

I look up for an instant to see how angry everyone in the room looks before looking back towards my lap. I feel sick, I wish this would just end already.

"Okay." Ibiki clears his throat before finishing, "Now, just one more question, how did you end up getting away from Orochimaru."

"I-" I choke on my own voice, this is worse than the last question, "Sasuke, I really pissed him off once. We had just finished training and he told me how pathetic I was and I snapped at him, I told him that I wished Itachi had killed him too when he slaughtered the Uchiha clan. He... he started yelling at me and pinned me to a wall and was choking me. I thought he was going to kill me, but he..." I stop and grip my sides harder, so hard that I'm sure there will be bruises there tomorrow, "he raped me instead...and then when he was done he snapped out of it finally and droped me to the ground, though I was stuck between him and the wall. He stared at me for what felt like hours as I cried and attempted to get away. I really thought he was going to kill me. Finally he stood back up and muttered a sorry before leaving me in the training room alone. The next morning I got woken up by Kabuto who told me that he was told to kill me because I had become a burden to Sasuke, just another block in the road to him becoming the perfect, heartless vessel for Orochimaru. Apparently he felt terrible about what he did and told Orochimaru that he needed me out of his life because he was starting to care too much. Kabuto instead of killing me, took me out to the woods and let me go, he said that it would be a waste to kill me and he didn't want to think about all those hours spent working on me as wasted so he let me go instead. Though, if I came back he would kill me and not hesitate."

Ibiki finished writing in the note pad before shutting it and looking at me, his features once again indifferent, "Okay, I think that's enough, if the hokage wishes to ask anything else, I'm sure she will when she has time."

I nod in return but stay staring at my lap as Ibiki leaves the room.

"Kai..." I hear Shikamaru say my name softly as he walks over and sits on the stool next to me. I look up and for the first time Shikamaru looks concerned about me. The look doesn't fit him, but it doesn't piss me off like it did with the others, instead my heart starts to race and before I can stop it, tears start to fall down my face.

I throw my hands over my face and start to ramble through my tears, "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you guys, I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you but I was scared I'm sorry. I'm sorry, please don't hate me, please-"

I'm cut off by Ino putting her hand on my shoulder, "Kai, please stop apologizing, we understand."

A small sob escapes my mouth and I nod at her and attempt to whipe away the tears, but's useless because they just keep coming.

"You can stay in the village, I'm not sure where you'll stay but-"

"Can she stay with us dad?" Ino cuts off Tsunade with her question.

Inoichi sighs but nods in agreement, "Yes, she can."

"That's very kind of you, but I need her to be under watch for at least a month before I let her wander around alone, it's just protocall, sorry girls."

"But ma'am!-"

"No buts!" Tsunade cuts Ino off and glares at her, Ino shrinks into herself and I can't help but chuckle.

"I'll find you a place to stay and someone to watch you, until then you'll stay here under Anbu watch."

I nod and smile softly, "Thank you Hokage-sama."

"You're welcome Kai." She replies before leaving the room.

"I'm sure she'll find someone you'll get along with, at least I hope so." Ino says once she is gone.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Well you guys, we should let her rest until then." Asuma says.

"Yeah, you're right." Ino says, "I'll come check on you in a while alright?"

"Okay, I look forward to it." I smile at her.

"Feel better alright Kai? I'll take you to a buffet as soon as you're out, how's that sound?" Choji says with a smile.

I return his smile, "That sounds lovely Choji, thank you."

"Alright guys, lets leave her alone." Asuma says and ushers them out of the room, "Coming Shikamaru?" he says once the other two are out of the room.

"I would like to stay for a few more minutes and talk to Kai, that is if that's okay with you Kai."

"Oh, yeah, I'm not all that tired anyways." I reply.

"Alright, see you guys later." Asuma waves goodbye before closing the door.

As soon as the door closes Shikamaru turns to me, "Kai..." he starts, but stops and crossing his arms across his chest, he looks like he is pondering what to say.

"What's up?" I ask, curious.

"Hm, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I just...I would just like to know." He says giving me a wary look.

I raise an eyebrow at him, "Okay, shoot."

"Did you know we were from the same village as Sasuke?" he asks, his facial expression is unreadable to me and it makes me nervous. Is he mad?

"Yes..." I decide not to lie.

"You said you were scared to tell us about your past with Orochimaru, is that because you knew we'd ask about him?"

"That, and I'm not the biggest fan of being interrogated."

"You realize how stupid you were being right?" He says bluntly, almost glaring at me.

"Way to put it gently," I roll my eyes and glare out the window, "yeah I get that I'm stupid, anymore questions?" I bite out, angry.

"I didn't mean it like that," I look at him and his expression has softened, "You scared the crap out of me, you know?"

I furrow my eyebrows, "You barely know me, how the hell did I scare you?"

"Yeah, I know we just meet but I like you, you seem like a good friend, I thought you were going to die and it scared me. Also pissed me off to be honest."

My glare returns, "Why?"

"If you'd have only told us the truth, we could have protected you better."

"Why does it even matter to you." I almost shout, but I keep my voice level. I'm not sure if i'm pissed or confused, either way my heart feels like it's going to break out of my chest, which I think is a bad thing with it being injured and all.

"Because, you made us all care about you just to turn around and almost get yourself killed. You have some serious social skills to learn."

"Wow, you're rude..." I say weakly, I can barely hear my own voice over the pouding of my heart.

His voice softens, "Kai, sorry."

"Whatever..." I reply, refusing to look at me.

"Will you look at me please?" Shikamaru asks firmly.

I look over and we end up staring into eachothers eyes, I can see his eyes soften.

"Don't ever barge into a death trap like that again, okay? I can't stand it when my friends die."

A small smile tugs at my lips, "Got it."

* * *

**Ah, okay, I made this chapter a bit longer than I meant to.**

**Thank you anon reviewer for guilting me into continuing, I hope you liked this chapter!**

**I'm not sure if I am getting Shikamaru's character completely right, but I think I'll do half of the next chapter in his point of view and attempt to explain why he acts so differently around Kai.**

**Please review, they're the only thing that keeps me motivated. Leave suggestions or requests if you want, those always give me inspiration for later chapters. I have the ending completely planned out but not much in the middle.**

**I don't know when the next chapter will be out, so no promises but I'll aim for a week - two weeks.**


	6. Realizations

**Anon, dare I say I love you? Haha, seriously, thank you for the continuous reviewing. I was really unsure about the last chapter. I would totally love it if you were to get an account and we could message back and fourth about stories and such, I've always wanted a partner in crime when it comes to writing. **

**The next few chapters might be a bit slow but I wanted to focus on Kaiko getting used to being in the village and getting to know everyone, and becoming closer to Shikamaru 3 **

**I think I may have to change the rating to M sometime in the future, I tend to end up getting a tad bit overly detailed sometimes, and I just want to be safe. **

**Anywho, onward with the chapter! **

* * *

It's kind of cold today. Also, for the life of me I don't know how I ended up outside of the hospital.

_That's a lie._

I know exactly _why_ I ended up here, Kai is getting released todayand I was curious as to who was assigned to keep watch over her. I also wanted to simply see her again. Now if anyone were to invade my mind and ask why I felt compelled to seek her company, now that is were I cannot answer. Really, I have had what, one actual conversation with her? Maybe two if you counted the talk we had after her interrogation. Though that was more me stupidly confessing my worry for her.

I sigh as I lean against the stone arch way of the hospital and wait. I lean my head against the stone and watch as the clouds pass by. They're moving rather slowly today, everything is moving slow today. I woke up before my alarm _again _and just kind of sat there for what felt like at least an hour to me. Though, when I got out of bed and finally checked the time it was only nine. Kai was getting released at eleven, so I had two hours to kill. So I decided to take a shower, eat the breakfast mom shoved down my throat this morning and then lazed around on my favorite bench and cloud watch for a while.

When I saw Naruto around ten thirty, he some how automatically sensed something was _off _about me today, as he put it. Really, for how dense that guy could be, he really knew when someone close to him was feeling anxious or just plainly put-off. Anyways, I caved and told him about team Asuma's latest mission and about Kai, and how much I actually wanted to see her, and how much of a drag it was having to think this all over.

After the conversation I had with Kai the other day, I was called to the hokage's office and was told that I, along with the rest of my team were to take a week off in order to rest in order to make Kai feel more welcomed, since we were the ones who not only brought her to the village but basically dragged her with us and got her injured in the first place.

Naruto, being the dimwit he is suggested I had a crush on Kai. How would that even be possible? I barely know her, at most I see a potential friend in her. Sure she was a pretty girl and sure she actually didn't annoy me. She also was pretty nice to talk to, seeing how she'll actually listen to me even if she really isn't all the interested in what I was saying, but honestly girls are just too much trouble to get involved with and I really rather not go there. Maybe I just can sense what a great friendship I'll have with her.

_Lame reasoning, but hey, it's probably too early into our knowing one another to really read that much into it. _

"Shika-kun, you came too?" I hear Ino almost shriek in delight, a few years ago that would have me flinching and planning an escape route but now I simply smirk at the two approaching me. Ino, flowers in hand. Choji, chips in hand. Though, he was carrying one extra bag with him today. I guess that could be kind of curious, but maybe he's just feeling extra hungry this morning.

I wave lazily at the two before slowly pushing myself off the stone arch as they stop in front of me.

"I figured I had nothing better to do." I reply, lying. Truth is I've been waiting since yesterday simply for today to come.

"Oi, there our girl is!" Ino yells, waving obnoxiously.

I turn to see Kai, Sakura, Tsunade all walking out of the front door of the hospital. Paperwork in hand Sakura instinctively looks up and glares at Ino. Once closer, she finally returns the glare though both look oddly playful in their venomous glaring.

"Awe how adorable, are you jealous of my budding friendship with Kai-*kohai?"

"Shut up pig, why would I be jealous of anything involving you?" Sakura snaps at Ino, almost shoving the stack of paperwork into Kai's arms, "plus, I've gotten to spend ever more time with Kai-kohai than you since I was her tending medic." She crosses her arms smugly and smirks at Ino proudly.

I can basically see the daggers being exchanged by their eye contact. I go to roll my eyes but quickly stop at the sound of Kai giggling, actually giggling and I can't help but admire how adorable it is.

_Did I really just think that?_

Though, it seems to completely defuse Ino and Sakura as the both look at Kai for a second then softly laugh themselves. Huh, I think I'll really like having her around if she keeps up the habit of always breaking these two's spats up.

She seems to catch eye contact with me once the laughing dies down. She smiles warmly at me in hello. I smile back lazily.

The hell is my heart beating faster for? Maybe I really do have a crush on her.

_I push the thought away, I'm being utterly ridiculous. _

Tsunade finally speaks up, starting by clearing her throat quietly.

"Well, anyways as I was saying before; seems that due to a recent high ranked classified mission there are no readily available anbu at hand to watch over you."

_Her not so subtle way of saying she slacked off for too long and now all the anbu are busy._

"So, I had to settle for a Jounin. Though, annoying enough as he is, the bastard is always late." Tsunade scowls at nothing in particular. _Kakashi._

"However, he is the only Jounin I have on leave right now, and he's not alien to the task of keeping newbie's under watch." Tsunade starts impatiently tap her fingers against her elbow and just then a poof of smoke appears, followed by the reveal of Kakashi and his normal greeting.

"Yo." He waves shortly, giving a simple eye crease to us all.

* * *

After Tsunade pointlessly lectures Kakashi about being late again and introductions are done, the hokage drags Sakura back into the hospital with her as the pink haired medic wave's goodbye quickly with an apologetic look on her face.

Kai waves back until they disappear behind the door before turning back to us all.

"Well, hi." She says simply, surveying all who surround her.

Ino excitedly squeaks before latching her arm around Kai's own, "I can't wait to take you clothes shopping." She sheepishly smiles at Kakashi, "If that's okay with you Kakashi-senpai."

He waves a hand dismissively, "If it can wait until she gets settled into my spare room, then I don't really care. I don't have to be with her 24'7, so long as she doesn't get left alone. You are to pick her up at my place and drop her off as soon as you're finished." He pauses for a moment, "Sound good Kai?" he attempts at sounding a bit nicer and less protocol.

"Yeah, sounds perfectly reasonable." She replies with a light smile and then pauses, looking at me.  
"Will you be coming too Shikamaru?" she asks.

Shopping sounds terrible. I hate shopping. Especially when it's with Ino, the girl always wants to go everywhere and can never make up her mind. Really, shopping is the last thing I want to do today, "Sure." Her eyes seem to light up at my answer and I mentally kick myself for agreeing so easily.

She hesitates for a moment before speaking up again, "You too Choji?" She offers, though she sounds less excited but still not put-off by the idea of him joining us later.

He smiles and shakes his head no, "Wish I could but I promised ma I'd help around the house today. I just wanted to come see you out of the hospital." She smiles warmly at him.

"Alright, thanks Choji, I appreciate it."

"Oh, and also I wanted to give you these. They're my favorite flavor." He holds out two bags of sweet and salty BBQ chips to her. She takes them unsure but smiles all the same.  
"Thank you."

"You're welcome, I'm sure that you'll be fed but I figured it's always nice to have some snacks as well." Choji finishes, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly and laughing lightly.

_Weird, he never shares his snacks with anyone but me._

I raise an eyebrow in curiosity but quickly dismiss it as him just trying to be nice. Still, I can't shake the slight feeling of annoyance in my chest. The annoyance just annoys me more, it's a troublesome feeling and I really dislike the idea of being annoyed at my best friend.

* * *

Kakashi's apartment is small but roomy and clean. The guest bedroom has a simple one person bed with a stack of white folded sheets and blankets with two white pillows on top. Next to the sheets is my bag, but it's open and obviously all weapons have been taken out.

"Sorry but its standard protocol to take away any weapons from the people under watch. No worries though, your swords and weapon pouch are safely locked away in one of our many safes." Kakashi says from behind me.

"I understand." I say and offer him a smile, "Kakashi..." I start but trail off, nervously playing with the edge of the simple red sundress Sakura let me barrow until I got my clothes back.

"What is it?" He asks, he causally leans against the door frame and watches as I survey the room.

"I just...well I know you're kind of being forced to let me stay here but I still wanted to thank you." I shrug and tuck a piece of hair behind my right ear.

He gives me what I assume is a smile due to the way his eye creases, "It's no problem. You hungry?" He asks as he pushes himself from the door frame.

"I am but I think it'll be safe to assume that Ino and Shikamaru are going to take me to lunch as well."

He nods, "Well, if you need anything just ask."

I nod in return and before I can say anything else there is a rapid knocking at the door.

Kakashi sighs and gives the door a lazy glare, "They sure are eager to see you." he says before heading off to answer the door.

"As expected, its for you Kai." I hear Kakashi say from the living room. I smile to myself as I walk out and wave at Ino and Shikamaru.

"That was quick." I say and I stand next to Kakashi.

"Yeah, well... we were going to wait a while until we realized we didn't really know where Kakashi lives so we kind of followed you guys here and just waited a few minutes outside." Ino laughs nervously.

I can tell Kakashi is slightly irritated but he masks it well.

"Think you can manage to have her back by, say three? I have some errands to do and I'm thinking that's when I'll get back." Kakashi says, his stance is calm with his hands in his pockets.

"Shouldn't be a problem." Ino says as she grabs by hand and drags me out of the apartment. I give Kakashi a nervous smile as I barely avoid knocking into his shoulder, well more like his hip, he is incredibly tall.

"Thanks again Kakashi, I'll see you later this afternoon." I wave goodbye as Ino drags me with her down the hall with Shikamaru tagging along behind.

* * *

"Doesn't that look good on her Shika-kun?" Ino asks him as she pushes me out of the changing room.

I see Shikamaru give me a once over before looking away awkwardly, "Yeah I guess."

The lack of enthusiasm kind of stings but I decide that's just how Shikamaru is.

"You're a poor sport." Ino says, sticking her tongue out at him and making me face the mirror.

Honestly, my reflection surprises me. From the neck up its easy to tell that I just got out of the hospital and haven't slept very well in the two weeks I was there. However, from the neck down I looked not only rather spectacular but completely unlike myself. It was _girly, _I had on a pink skirt that ended about mid-thigh with slits up both sides completed with tight fitting black shorts that were just a tad bit shorter than the skirt itself. For the top I had a baggy mid-sleeve gray shirt on that tucked into the skirt. It hung sort of lower than I would have liked on my neckline but other than that it was actually kind of perfect.

"So, do you want it?" Ino questions, the look in her eyes saying she really wanted me to say yes.

"Yeah, I do." I confirm, twisting this way and that in the mirror in order to see it from more angles.

"Good because I already paid for it." Ino gave me a sheepish smile from behind me, knowing I'd see it in the mirror.

I roll my eyes but smile back, "Think we can drop Sakura's dress off before we head out to eat?" I ask.

"Hm, yeah I think she'll be done with her shift by now. We should try Naruto's place first, she usually buys him food once a week in order to force him to eat a bit healthier." Ino says picking up the single bag full of clothes she bought me. I'd have to pay her back somehow later.

"So, you going to wear that out then?" Ino gives me a almost creepily pleased smile as she nods to my outfit.

I look down and shrug, "Guess so, is it too much?" I ask.

She shakes her head, "No it's perfect on you." She confirms giving me another once over before giving me a thumbs up.

Finally Shikamaru speaks up, "Well then we should get going so we can catch Sakura." he says standing up. I look over at him to see him casually shove his hands in his pockets. He finally looks at me, looking down at my outfit one more time before finally making eye contact and giving me a crooked lazy smile.

My heart jumps, the way he just looked me over sending a jolt of warm electricity up and down my spine. My throat is dry and I have to clear it before giving a small 'mhm' in agreement.

* * *

Shikamaru and I walk a bit slower than Ino as she leads us towards Naruto's apartment. I twiddle my fingers behind my back, watching the clouds slowly pass by as we walk in a peaceful silence. I let my gaze drift to Shikamaru to see him watching the sky as well, hands still in his pockets. I allow myself to trace over his features and feel a warmth grow in my cheeks as he looks at me out of the corner of his eye, catching me in the act of staring at him. I quickly look down and bite my bottom lip nervously.

After a few more minutes pass I get brave enough to look at him again. He has one arm stretched behind his head as he scratches the back of his neck and yawns. Usually yawning isn't an attractive action but for some reason when he does it all my body can seem to do is send butterflies between my chest and my stomach. My vision stays fixed on him and I find myself wanting to trace his features with my finger tips. Every single thing about him just seems to _fit _everything that is Shikamaru. From his messily tied back hair to his small simple earrings, all these things seem to do is add to his lazy demeanor.

He looks at me again from the corner of his eye and again I look away quickly, the warmth in my cheeks returning. I hear Ino clearing her throat and look up to see her looking at us skeptically. I give her a sheepish grin and walk a little faster to catch up to her, to talk to her and try to forget the embarrassing way I was just staring at Shikamaru.

* * *

"Oh, so this is the famous Kai I've been hearing about." Naruto says smiling at me.

"Guess I must be." I reply and smile back.

"Is Sakura here?" Shikamaru asks.

"In here!" Sakura yells from the kitchen, the sound of bags rustling following suit.

"Can we come in?" Ino asks, Naruto simply smiles warmly and steps aside, waving us in.

I walk up to Sakura in the kitchen, digging around in the paper shopping bag for her dress, once I find it I hand it over.

"Thank you for letting me barrow it for today. Ino took me shopping so now I have plenty to wear." I smile softly and gesture to my outfit.

She looks me over and seems to be thinking about something.

"It fits you perfectly! We should do your face and hair too, don't you agree Ino-pig?" Sakura concludes, already dragging me with her to the bathroom.

"You're right, that outfit is too fabulous. It's just a sin to not dress the rest of her up as well." Ino says following us.

"Mind if we use your bathroom Naruto?" Sakura asks, already opening the door.

Naruto simply shrugs as he takes another bite of an apple.

"You're the best!" Sakura yells closing the door with a soft thud seconds after.

* * *

"I'm thinking an over the shoulder braid, what about you forehead?" Ino says, twisting and twirling my hair. When did I agree to this? I didn't, I guess this is what friendship is.

"Nah, that's a little too fancy, I'm thinking a high ponytail and we could fluff her bangs to the side of her face. Simple but cute." Sakura says, moving my bangs out of my face and smiling at me in the mirror.

"Hm, you're right, that is cute. Rare for you to be right forehead." Ino scoffs as she holds my hair up mocking a ponytail, "Got a hair-tie?" she asks Sakura.

"Always." Sakura says pulling one of three off her wrists and handing it to Ino.

Ino puts the tie around her wrist, letting go of my hair and grabbing a brush from the counter. She starts to brush my hair in slow careful strokes. After a few seconds pass I see an evil grin appear on her face through the mirror and she locks eye contact with me via the same way.

"So..." she starts talking as she moves to a new section of hair, "you got the hots for Shika-kun I noticed."

I immediately blush but attempt to hide it with a scowl. Sakura looks over at Ino and then at me, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." I half lie. I guess yeah, I do find him attractive but to say I have the hots for him I think is a little over the top. I've never had a crush on anyone before, what does it even feel like?

"Oh, do not give me that bull. I saw the way you were staring at him, then the way you'd blush when he caught you. No offense hon, but you kind of looked like a nervous wreck." Ino says as she starts to pull my hair up into a ponytail, handing Sakura a section of my bangs to hold out of the way.

"That's not true." I frown deeply and scowl harder at her. Did I really? Gods, did he think that as well?

"Oh please, do you really not even notice it yourself?" Ino asks as she ties my hair up, "I just love this little curl at your tips, your hair is perfect, you know that?" she trails off, running her fingers through my hair in admiration.

"Kai, have you ever had a crush on anyone?" Sakura questions seriously. I frown even more trying to focus more on the way she was fluffing my bangs softly instead of the question at hand.

"Well?" Ino pushes the issue.

I sigh and let my frown lessen a tad bit, "I thought I did once... but I decided that was just friendship feelings...while those even lasted."

Sakura is oblivious to what I mean but Ino seems to catch on, a frown forming on her own lips.

"Kai...I-" She whispers, not sure what to say.

"I'm getting the feeling I don't know something here." Sakura frowns.

"Yeah, you don't." I reply solemnly. Ino told me about the fact that Sakura and Naruto were Sasuke's teammates before he left the village, and while it hurt enough for her to know about what kind of person Sasuke was becoming, it would hurt all the more for them.

"Forehead...you know where Kai is from right?" Ino asks, looking at her pink haired friend.

Sakura nods and then it seems to click, "Sasuke?" she catches on rather fast.

I nod sadly, "I knew him, well... sort of." I shrug, "I really would rather not getting into this." I give Sakura a sad look as I see her fight off the depressive look on her face. She gives me a weak smile and nods.

"Okay, tell me what a _real _crush is like then?" I offer a change in topic.

"You feel warm and jittery around them." Ino says. They were long done with my hair and we were all just sitting around Naruto's bathroom talking.

"Also, you find yourself always wanting to talk to them, but always being too nervous to actually talk."

Ino nods in agreement, "Also, butterflies. Oh, and staring." She winks at me when she says the word 'staring'.

"Things you usually find annoying in people or just things you never even notice with other people suddenly are overly noticeable and not annoying at all." Sakura adds.

"And you find yourself interested in everything that they have to say." Ino finishes.

I bite my lip and try not to let my eyes go wide as I whisper, "Fuck..."

Ino and Sakura both smirk as Ino leans closer to me, "What was that?"

"Shit, shit shit. I do like him." I can see the huge blush forming on my face.

"It's alright Kai-kohai, you could do a lot worse." Ino smiles and pats my shoulder.

"What the hell do I do?" I ask pleadingly.

"Go for it." Sakura winks and pulls me up from the toilet as Ino opens the door. Sakura pushes me out the door, succeeding in making me trip over my own feet and almost face palming into the ground but I swiftly catch myself on the small end table not too far from the bathroom.

Naruto and Shikamaru look up a card game they apparently started while waiting for us and give us all a questioning look.

I glare at the two giggling girls behind me, "You two really need to stop pushing me" they only laugh more and wave off my comment. I basically growl in annoyance before walking away from them to go lean against the kitchen counter, crossing my arms across my chest and looking the opposite direction from them.

"Awe, Kai-kohai don't make that face, it doesn't go well with your pretty looks." Ino says walking over by me and grabbing an apple.

I sigh and drop the false angry look I had and settle for lightly smacking her on the arm.

"Shikamaru, Naruto." Sakura says getting the two boys attention.

"What?" Naruto says while Shikamaru just looks over to her.

"So, what do you think? Doesn't Kai look super pretty?"

"Totally!" Naruto gives me a thumbs up and a big smile, I can't help but to smile back and blush a little from all the attention I was getting.

Shikamaru looks at me for a second, "Yeah." he says before looking back at his cards. He sets a pair of cards down and smirks at Naruto, "I win."

Naruto looks down at the table surprised, "No way! You must have cheated."

"Idiot, no I didn't. You just weren't playing good." Shikamaru crosses his arms across his chest and huffs in annoyance.

I'm actually kind of disappointed and slightly hurt that Shikamaru barely even looked at me. He looked kind of annoyed. I frown and look down at my feet.

"Oh, crap. It's two, I promised my dad I would watch the shop while he went to his meeting. Shika-kun, can you please escort Kai to Kakashi-senpai's place?"

Shikamaru barely starts to open his mouth before Ino is already at the door and talking again, "Awesome, thanks Shika, you're the best. Alright, later you guys, bye!"

_slam _

Shikamaru shuts his mouth and glares at the door for all of five seconds before dropping it, sighing as he stands and stretches.

"Alright, since you have to be back by three, we should start walking." Shikamaru says looking at me.

I simply nod before turning to Sakura, "Want to come with us?" I ask her, begging her to come with my eyes.

She simply smirks knowingly, "Sorry I can't, have some paperwork I need to drop off at the main gate."

Evil, evil girl. I frown at her and her obvious lie before grabbing my bag and walking towards the door with Shikamaru.

I glare at her one more time before waving goodbye to Naruto and leaving.

* * *

I try to look anywhere but Kai as we silently walk down the street towards Kakashi's place. I settle for intertwining my fingers together and putting my hands behind my head as we walk, staring at the sky.

I can feel how uneasy she is and for some reason it really upsets me, I want her to be comfortable. She clears her throat a few times and attempts to say something, but obviously can't figure out what to talk about.

I decide to not let her torture herself any further and talk, "So, do you like the village?" I offer as a sort of small talk topic to at least get some sort of conversation going.

I look over to see her smile up at me, her uneasiness quickly fading, "I actually really love it." is all she says. To be honest I was expecting more, for her to ramble on and on about the scenery and how much she loves Ino and Sakura. I expected more talking from a girl.

I'm at a loss at what to do, "Yeah, it's nice here. People are nice too..." I trail off, now I'm the one feeling awkward, great.

I look down at her again, I never noticed before just how short she was. She was 5'1'' at the tallest, but even that seems like a stretch. Her lips tighten unattractively as she frowns at me, I raise an eyebrow at her in questioning.

"Am I really that bad of company?" She questions, she looks upset and that annoys me. Last thing I want to do is upset her.

I smile at her and shake my head, "You worry too much." is all I say, it isn't that she is bad company, it's just that I'm at a complete loss of what to talk about with her. We have only known each other for about two weeks now.

She scoffs, "Well, you don't really make it easy not to." she says. I look down at her, she looks startled that she let herself say that and looks away from me embarrassed.

"Sorry..."

"No, it's fine..." she says quietly.

I sigh, "I'm just not sure what to talk about." I admit.

"Why's that?"

"I just don't know what sort of topics wouldn't bore you." I shrug.

She leans forward and stands on her tippy toes in order to get her face closer and in front of my own, "Is this about that one night you explained the milky way myth? If so, I apologize, _you _don't bore me, just myths do." she smiles.

I laugh at this, _"No, _it isn't about that. It's just..." I sigh, this is really getting to be a pain in the ass to explain, "I don't know, I just don't know what to talk about." I shrug, giving up on explaining.

She goes back to standing normally as we reach the bottom of the stair case leading to Kakashi's apartment. She turns to me and smiles, "I know what can fix that." she says.

"What's that?" I ask.

"How about next time we hang out just the two of us, we play twenty questions?" she suggests.

I hate that game, "Sure." I agree. Why do I keep agreeing to things I hate for her? Well, I guess that game is an easy way to get to know someone.

She smiles wider before starting up the stairs. I follow.

I knock a few times before Kakashi answers the door, "Hey, a whole ten minutes early." he gives us his eye crease of a smile, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

"Yeah, Ino had to leave suddenly so luckily we didn't end up being late." I reply, putting my hands in my pockets.

Kakashi nods and steps aside for Kai to enter. She does, but turns to me before completely going inside, "Thanks for today, tell Ino thanks too. See you sometime soon?"

"Yeah, we'll drop by sometime, maybe Choji will come too next time."

She smiles at this and nods, "Sounds good. Bye Shikamaru."

"Bye." I reply, she gives me a small wave before closing the door.

I sigh and turn to leave. I'm slightly annoyed at myself for so easily agreeing to everything this girl asks of me. It'll turn out way too troublesome if I don't stop doing that.

* * *

***-kohai: The reverse of senpai. Kohai is used to address juniors.**

**Oh look at that, I lied again, this chapter came up sooner than I expected. Like way sooner. **

**I know not a lot happened this chapter but I for some reason just found there to be a good spot to end. Mostly because this is page 12 in my document and I'm a little nervous to look at the word count, haha. **

**Well, anyways, I don't have much else to say other than I hope I didn't completely butcher Shikamaru's character. **

**Please review, it inspires me greatly! **

**(*cringes* I looked at the word count, a whopping 5,238! Wow, that is the most I have ever written. Hurray me! )**


	7. 20 Questions

**I'm just going to jump right into this chapter, no planning has been done so sorry if it seems a bit hectic. **

* * *

"Nice to see you're alive." I say sarcasm clear in my voice. It's been three weeks since I got released from the hospital and this being one of the rare times I've gotten to see Shikamaru since.

"Sorry, I was needed in decoding an important message that was sent from a small village west of us." he replies, stepping aside to let me out of Kakashi-senpai's apartment.

"I know, Ino told me."

"Then why even give me attitude to began with?" Shikamaru questions.

We start in a casual walk down a dirt path leading to the edge of the village, our steps in time with the others, "I was just teasing you, no need to get butt hurt." I huff out.

He gives me a light laugh in return, "I'm not butt hurt."

"Then drop it already." I say crossing my arms across my chest.

"I see someone's been around Ino a bit too often lately." He raises an eye brow at me, looking over my posture.

I scowl at him, "What's that suppose to mean?" I question.

"Never mind lets just drop it." He yawns half way through his sentence, making me roll my eyes.

A few minutes of silence goes by as we make our way towards our usual spot under a bridge near a creek on the outskirts of the village. On the rare occasions I get to see Shikamaru we usually just go lay by the creek and talk about various things.

I've found out that we both like Shogi, cloud watching and old books; usually ones about the old wars or peaceful stories, filled with philosophies and psychology. I told him more about my past, in turn he told me stories about the making of the leaf village. I've learned that while he is a lazy pain in my ass, he is also very intelligent and caring. He thinks more of others than he lets on and he is willing to die for this village and his friends. I really respect him. As the weeks pass, while some of the initial infatuation has worn off, like the constant blushing and butterflies, it still hasn't completely gone away. Honestly, I highly doubt it ever will; the more I learn about him the more I find myself falling for him. That isn't all this is though, he has also become a really great friend to me. We get along well and have so much in common. I'm really starting to love everyone in this village but I can't seem to stop putting Shikamaru higher in my mind.

"So, you only have a week left of being watched over, what do you think you're going to do when you're allowed to be on your own?" Shikamaru questions, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, well..." I laugh nervously "...to be honest, I haven't given much thought to it." I confess.

"Well, you could return to what you were doing before." He offers, and while I know he is just giving me my options, I find my heart sinking into my stomach.

"I could..." the words come out as a whisper and I wince at how upset I sound.

"Or not." he says looking over my facial features.

I laugh half heartily, "Honestly, I want to stay..." I say, returning his gaze. For a second he seems to look really happy about that, causing my stomach to flip.

"Well, you'll have to start looking for a place then." He smiles.

I return his smile but it quickly fades, "I'll have to have some source of income in order to do that." I purse my lips together for a second before frowning, would I have to just get a job somewhere in the village or maybe Tsunade would give a chance at being a shinobi for this village?

"I could come with you to talk to Tsunade if you'd like." Shikamaru offers making me smile once again.

"Thanks, I'd like that... Maybe she can help me get a job."

"Or maybe I could recommend to her that you should take a placement test."

I can basically feel my eyes light up in excitement at his words; he smirks slightly at me before sitting down in the shade of the bridge. I sit next to him after collecting a handful of rocks. I toss a rock into the creek every now and then making the water ripple.

"I'd love that Shikamaru..." I say finally, turning my head to smile at him.

"I'll do it later today then." He smiles back.

I lean over and nudge his arm with mine playfully, "I appreciate it."

He simply nods in reply before dare I say dramatically falling back into the grass and sighing.

For a while we just sit there in silence, him staring at the sky while I toss stones into the creek. It's peaceful and comfortable and I can't help the smile that sticks to my lips. Having Shikamaru next to me gives me the strangest yet most wonderful feeling in my entire being. Its like while my heart can't stop fluttering, my muscles still relax; all this just from his presence. I admire him, I admire his drive and his hidden passion. I admire his intelligence and even his laziness.

"Say Shikamaru..." I start, a sly smirk crossing my lips as I look back at him.

He raises his head slightly to look at me, signaling that he was listening.

"We never played 20 questions." He almost groans in annoyance. I quickly figured out that things like that annoyed him so I dropped it and just went for casual conversation in order to get to know each other. Though now that I know he considers me a friends, I think it'll be alright to annoy him, just a little bit.

"Do we have to?" He asks making my smirk grow.

"I mean, we don't _have_ to, but I'd like to," I lay back as well in order to lay beside him, I turn my head in order to look at him; he does the same, "plus, you've already agreed to it."

He slightly glares at me before sighing, "Fine."

I smile at him in fake innocence, "Great! You start, ask me anything."

"What's your favorite season?"

"Spring, what's yours?"

He glares again, "Lazy, asking me the same question."

I laugh, "Like you're one to lecture on being lazy?"

His glare deepens, "Spring also. How tall are you?"

"4'11. Hmm, how about. Would you ever let your parents pick out your future spouse?"

I laugh at the disgusted expression on his face, "Never. Ever."

"Awe, why not?" I laugh more.

"She'd be exactly like my mom, I'm sure of it."

"And that's a bad thing?" I question.

He sighs, "I love my mom, but she's such a pain." this makes me laugh more.

Once the laughing dies down a bit I take a breath before looking back at him only to laugh more.

"Is it really that funny?" He questions, raising an eyebrow at me.

"No." I smile at him, "You're turn, ask me something."

He rolls his eyes, "Um, I guess...What makes you smile the most?"

"You." I say without thinking. _Shit, _talk about letting things just slip out. My heart jumps into my throat and I blush, quickly looking away and into the sky, mentally kicking myself over and over.

I don't dare look at him, but I can tell he not only is taken aback but also saw my blush. He clears his throat, "Your turn." he says quietly, allowing me the comfort of just moving on.

"Um, where do you see yourself in ten years?"

"Either dead or married with kids." He replies in a causal tone, seeming very sure that only one of those two options could happen.

"How about you?"

"Maybe dead. Hopefully though, I'll be a sensei or married with kids as well." I sit up at this, "Well, I'm out of questions to be honest." I trail off, running my fingers through a few blades of grass.

"Yeah..." he mutters, sitting up as well, "How about some lunch?"

I smile, the awkward feeling from before already fading, "Sounds good."

* * *

_I make her smile..._

I can't get the image of her blushing features out of my head now and it's really starting to frustrate me. Right when things were starting to feel _normal _around her, just when we start to form a _normal_ friendship _that _had to happen and now I feel strange around her all over again.

I feel a few pieces of rice land on my face. I look up at Kai and she smiles at me evilly; I glare at her as I wipe the rice off my cheek.

"What the hell was that for?"

"You were spacing out." She shrugs before picking up a piece of pork off the grill and eating it.

"So you throw rice at me?" I furrow my eyebrows in question.

"_Flicked _rice at you." She corrects me.

"You're ridiculous."

"_Creative._" She 'corrects' me again.

"How is flicking rice at me creative?"

"I could have just waved my hand in front of your face or something like that, but instead I creatively flicked rice at you. I like to think it worked better than anything else would have." She smiles at me innocently, "What were you thinking about so intensely anyways?"

I swallow slightly, looking down at my food and picking up my chopsticks, "Just what to say when I recommend you." I make up, picking up some rice I eat it slowly. I allow my gaze to land on her again and she's still smiling. Why does her smile always make me feel like this? I question myself as my stomach lightly twists. The kind of twisting that _shouldn't _feel pleasant but _just do. _

"So, what are your plans for the rest of the afternoon?" I ask to change the subject.

"Oh, Kakashi-senpai said he'd train with me, since I'm finally in good enough shape now. Nothing too harsh, just some taijutsu practice. I'll definitely need it now; you know, for the placement test and all. Not to get my hopes up, I know the elders have to agree too, I just want to be prepared."

I give her a small smile, "I'm sure it'll work out. You've proven nothing but well behaved and helpful since you've been here. I don't see why they'd deny you. You obviously care for this village."

She returns my smile, "Thanks Shikamaru."

"Welcome Kai." I nod.

* * *

The walk back to Kakashi-senpai's apartment is quiet but comfortable. The closer we get the more anxious I start to feel about training with Kakashi.

"So, how tough is Kakashi-senpai to beat in a spar." I ask biting my lip.

"I won't lie, he's pretty hard to beat, but don't focus on wining, just focus on improving. He may seem like a hard-ass, but Kakashi is actually kind of a softy." Shikamaru reassures me.

"Yeah, I kind of figured it was just a show, he's slowly but surely warming up to me being around all the time, even made me dinner the other night." I laugh, "It tasted a lot better than I thought it would."

"See, he's a good guy."

"Yeah. So, question."

"Shoot."

"What's the placement test like?"

"Can't say, I went through the academy, you know, being born and growing up here and all. I do know that it's pretty tough, and it's different for everyone who takes it."

"So comforting." I mutter.

"Well, it's _meant _to be a challenge you know."

"I know, I know." I sigh, "I'm just nervous."

"I'm sure you'll do great Kai."

"I hope so."

We stop outside Kakashi's door. I go to open it but stop and turn around.

"Really though, thank you so much Shikamaru. For everything."

He pats me on the head and frown at him, making him chuckle lightly, "It's no problem, really."

"See you soon?"

"Yeah, see you soon." He confirms. I smile at him.

"Later Nara." (1)

"Later Kai."

* * *

**I decided to make it so Kai calls Shikamaru, "Nara" as a sort if nickname because Ino already calls him Shika and in my mind it's kind of just weird for Kai's character to go with that sort of nickname.**

**Anyways, that ended up a bit shorter than I originally thought it would, but I wanted to give you all some serious Shikamaru and Kai interaction. So in a way this chapter was kind of a filler chapter while I think of where to take this story. **

**Well, that's all. Please review, I'd greatly appreciate it (: **


	8. Training, Dinner and a new place to stay

**Ah long time no chapter. I apologize if this chapter is a bit short of poorly put together. Writers block has struck again and I just can't seem to get anything to go from my brain to my keyboard. **

**So without further ado, here is the chapter. **

* * *

I avoid his hit by doing a back flip seconds before his fist reaches were my face would have been if I had kept it there any longer. I fail at my attempt to hook my foot to his chin mid back flip. Catching myself with my right hand I swing my feet around again as fast as I can for a go to his stomach. Again I miss.

"You'll have to be faster than that to get a hit on me Kai." Kakashi says in his normal tone, which oddly irritates me. I feel as though he is mocking me.

I simply glare in return before adding, "Well, if we could do more than just Taijutsu then I probably would have won by now."

He chuckles at this, _actually chuckles_, "Doubt that." Is all he says.

I run at him, full speed and throw my fist at him. He easily catches my arm around my third attempt at bruising any part of him my fist would meet and throws me on the ground with a loud thud. I wince in pain and attempt to catch my breath that was abruptly cut off.

"That won't work; you should have learned that by now."

"I knew it wouldn't work, I was just ticked off."

"Now now, you should learn to control that anger." Kakashi wiggles his pointer finger near my face.

"Maybe if you learned to control your tone, I wouldn't have any anger to control in the first place."

"Oi, we've got a sassy one." He smiles at me and helps me up.

I roll my eyes and laugh lightly, "Seriously, one minute I'm pissed at you the next I'm laughing, I don't get you."

"What can I say; I have a way with people," Kakashi shrugs "One more spar, then dinner."

I nod. Once Kakashi's final finger goes down from his count of three I lunge at him. He blocks my first three attacks so I decide to trick him. I dodge his fist aimed at my stomach by side stepping and kick up from the ground acting as though I am going to kick him. Once he goes and blocks my leg I bring my elbow down and hit him square in the jaw. He does a few flips away from me before landing.

"Good one. That actually sort of hurt." Okay now his tone is pure mocking.

I appear behind him and sweep his legs out from underneath him. Sadly though I lose my balance and go right down with him. I'm atop him for all of three seconds before he has me pinned to the ground with my arms above my head and a kunai at my neck.

I bring my knee up and shove him off of me before quickly hooking a foot under his stomach and kicking him up into the air. I flip into a hand stand and push myself into the air allowing my foot to meet with his stomach one more time before he grabs said foot and swings me around and throwing me causing me to crash into a nearby tree back first.

I basically cough up a lung as I slid to the ground. I try to move but a sharp pain shoots up my spine and makes me fall back into a slumped position while holding my sides.

"Oops sorry, I went a bit overboard. Forgot you were still not fully healed."

I look up and glare at him, "Liar."

"Why, I would never." Kakashi gasps and fakes offence.

"That makes you even worse of a liar!" I point at him, deepening my glare.

He simply laughs, which makes me fume all the more, "You are such a jerk! And to think I called you a good guy." I cross my arms and look away; glaring at a nearby tree.

He only laughs more and makes me stand by my elbow, which actually hurts a lot more than I'd like to admit out loud. Three weeks without training can ruin you a bit more than you'd think.

"So, what would you like to eat? My treat." Kakashi offers.

I sigh and start walking along with him, "Barbeque pork."

"You hang out with Choji too much."

I shrug, "Guys got a good taste for food."

* * *

We see Asuma while on our way to dinner and we, well more like I, invite him to come along; which he does. We find a table in the back and sit down. After we order it gets awkwardly quiet for a few minutes until Asuma offers up a conversation.

"So, how has my team been treating you?"

"Oh great, quickly became the best of friends!" I smile at him.

"Wonderful to hear." He smiles back.

"Yeah, Ino bought me a bunch of new clothes, and Choji has been bringing me snacks a lot for some reason…" I trail off as I start to think about Shikamaru. Even though I saw him just a few hours ago I feel like I want to see him again, like tonight.

I sigh, even though I only stopped talking for a few minutes, I can feel two sets of eyes now looking at me, waiting for me to finish talking, "Oh, and Shikamaru is going to recommend me for placement test."

I look up to see Asuma a little surprised looking and I can't help but wonder why. Is it weird for Shikamaru to recommend me? Or maybe Asuma didn't think I'd stay; or maybe he didn't want me to stay…

I shake myself out of that thought, we may not know each other that well, but I doubt he'd really want me to leave that badly. Still his surprised expression bugs me so ignoring my better instincts I speak.

"Uh, is that…surprising?" I ask timidly.

"Well, just a little. It's just rare to see Shikamaru go through much of an effort for really anyone unless told to or if the situation is really necessary." Asuma says, moving his water aside to make room for the plate being set down in front of him.

Once the waiter is gone I speak up again, "Well, I guess he just knows how badly I want to stay in this village _and _still do what I love." I suggest with a shrug.

Asuma smiles at this, "Kai, I'm sure the hokage would have assigned you to a rank regardless if you got a recommendation or not. Really everyone has taken a liking to you, even her."

I can't stop the blush that makes its way to my cheeks. If that were true then really why would Shikamaru put in a recommendation? Just to make sure? To make an impression on me? The butterflies in my stomach are at their worse; I feel as though they are trying to fly up my throat and through my mouth. Shikamaru is lazy, this is true, but around me he always does things he doesn't necessarily want to or has to do. Why though?

I conclude that he just wants to make me feel welcomed and leave it at that. Really, thinking too much about it anyways would just leave me with more questions and unwanted butterflies. I awkwardly laugh once I realize that I've been quiet for a few seconds too long, "Oh, well. I guess I didn't notice."

I can feel them both eyeing me suspiciously as I shovel BBQ pork into my mouth in order to avoid talking. I can practically feel the smirk growing on Kakashi's lips as he nonchalantly twirls the tea in his cup gently.

"Speaking of Shikamaru, what did you guys do earlier today?"

I blush lightly and try not to glare at him; it's obvious that he is just messing with me.

"Just went out to an old field and talked…" I answer after swallowing a rather large mouthful of pork.

"About?" He presses on.

Asuma seems interested too and that just serves to tick me off more; maybe I do have some anger issues to work on.

"We just played twenty questions then went to lunch."

They both look nostalgic for a moment before returning their gaze to me.

"I remember," Asuma starts, "When I was kid, back in the academy, I played that game to figure out if a girl liked me or not."

I smile at him weakly, "That's nice, and did she?"

He frowns a bit, though it's playful, "No, that's okay though. It was just a sill childhood crush."

"Hn." I reply, not looking up at either one of the older men near me; feeling as though they were trying to get at something, something obvious, like me crushing on Shikamaru.

"Anyways, learn anything exciting?" Kakashi asks.

"Only that Shikamaru really sucks at any game that doesn't prove that he's a genius." I answer playfully, giving Kakashi a fake smile.

He smiles back just as fake before pulling out his book and reads it.

Finally Asuma changes the subject, "So, if you are staying in the village, then what are your goals?"

"I was thinking I'd work my way up to Anbu. It just seems…fitting for me," I shrug, "I'd have to think more about it. If I don't go into Anbu, than I want to be a team leader."

Asuma smiles at me, "You'd be surprised at how fulfilling being a sensei can be."

Kakashi chuckles, "Yeah that's true, though what isn't surprising is how much of brats those genin can be, though I guess that's to be expected of a kid."

I laugh weakly, forgetting my manners for a second I add, "I wish I had time to be a brat…"

Asuma and Kakashi look sympathetic for a few seconds and the table gets horribly awkward feeling but quickly Kakashi pats me on the back gently, "Not to worry, you've been doing a fine job of it these past three weeks."

I glare at him but that quickly turns into a warm smile, I wouldn't admit it out loud but slowly Kakashi has turned into someone oddly close to me; kind of like family. I wouldn't go as far to say like a father to me, he was far from father material at this point in time in my opinion; he was more like a big brother. Always teasing me but comforting me and pushing me to be my best. It was nice to have him around.

We eat in silence for a few minutes before we finish. Well, before Asuma and I finish for when we look over to where Kakashi was seated he is no longer there, a note left on his plate asking Asuma to escort me home. I look over to see Asuma completely annoyed.

"He always does this, left the bill to us."

I give him an apologetic smile, "I uh, don't have any money."

He sighs, "I figured as much. Don't worry Kai, I'll cover it. I'll just lecture him once we get you back."

"Got it." I smile at him for real for once.

* * *

I hum quietly to myself as I wash the rest of the soap out of my hair. The warm water feels good on my sore muscles from yesterday evening and I let myself stand a few extra minutes under the shower head in order to enjoy the massage like effect it had on my back.

I get out and after drying myself off I put on my lazy day clothes; a pair of shorts with a baggy t-shirt. Today I have no plans and so I figured I'd just lie around all day and read.

I walk out of the bathroom still drying my hair as I make my way into the kitchen where I usually find Kakashi cooking breakfast. I stop and look around to see him not there. Confused I call out for him,

"Kakashi-senpai?"

"Not here." I hear a familiar voice say from the living room.

I turn around to see Shikamaru sitting on the couch with his head draped back so he can stare at the roof. I walk into the living room and stand against the door way.

"Why not?"

Shikamaru sits up to look at me, "Urgent mission to the sand village."

"Oh, must be important to send him out while he is supposed to keep watch on me."

"It is." Is all he says in reply.

I can tell that it's serious due to the distressed tone of his voice. He quickly shakes it off though and continues talking, "Hokage-sama says that all the anbu and jounin have their hands full right now, so I'm going to be the one watching you for the last few days you're on watch, so you're going to have to pack your bag and come stay with me and my parents."

"O-oh, okay… I'll do that…"

He nods and I quickly make my way to the guest bedroom I had been staying in. I shut the door behind me and lean against it once it is shut. I put my hand over my chest and take a few deep breathes. I really wish my heart would stop beating so fast.

* * *

**Sooo, I know that the mission to save Gaara was a bit sooner after Naruto got back, but this is the only way I could get it to work so bare with me. **

**Other than that though I think it makes sense. **

**Anyways, I am sorry for any oocness on asuma or kakashi's part but I tried my best I swear!**

**I hope you liked this chapter! Please review! **


	9. The Darker Parts of Me

**Hey all, so this chapter is kind of a filler. I wanted to develop Shikamaru's and Kai's relationship, give you some progress. Also I want to get a little deeper into Kai's past. **

**So, I don't have a lot of notes this time. **

**WARNING in this chapter, there is a graphic, very VERY violent murder scene and you are going to see a very STRESS ON THE VERY, dark side of Kai. Be prepared please. (I just wanted to stress this matter so you're not like "holy hell, this suddenly turned for the worst." I promise there is a point to this madness.) **

**Enjoy (: **

* * *

"_Are you serious? I get to go outside? Really!" I practically jump out of my own skin due to the amount of excitement I am feeling. _

"_Of course you'll have Kabuto with you the entire time. Just for two days, you're needed to complete an assignment for me." Orochimaru says in an even tone, watching me with a blank stare. _

_I compose myself slightly, holding in my excitement, "Yes sir, what is the assignment?" I ask. _

"_You are to retrieve a young lady from a small village south of the star village. I want her here in two days time, healthy and unharmed." _

_My excitement quickly dies; the thought of being the reason that another would have to live under rule of Orochimaru makes me feel sick, it makes me hate myself even before doing so. My eyes drop to the ground, my entire outer appearance becoming somber. _

_Orochimaru senses my distress as he looks me up and down, "Don't look so troubled my dear Kaiko, you'll actually be doing the girl a favor. Really, her father is terrible to her, maybe if you behave I'll even assign you to watch over her. How's that sound my dear?" _

_I avoid eye contact but I nod in approval, "Yes sir." _

"_Really Kaiko-chan, you should feel privileged, I have raised you as though you were my own, even given you your own separate room away from the other subjects. Why, I'd go as far as to say you are like my own daughter. You should cheer up a bit, I've given you more than you've realized." Orochimaru says, a hint of amusement in his voice, "Look at me." his voice is colder when he says this and so I do, knowing he is serious. "Watch your attitude around me child and stop taking what I give you for granted." _

"_Yes sir, I apologize for my bad behavior, I will be better, I promise." I say quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. It is an automatic response, answering with the same line I have always used when getting 'lectured'. _

My body jolts a little, feeling as though I have fallen off a cliff. I turn in bed, briefly becoming aware of my actual surroundings. I am in Shikamaru's parent's house guest bedroom. I feel as I drift slowly back into a heavy sleep.

_Red, all I can see is red. I am holding a knife, a kitchen knife and it still slightly smells like onions. Onions mixed with the iron smell that blood gives off; it is not a pleasant smell. A man is dead next to me, though he wasn't killed from the knife. He has no stab wounds. His skull is caved in on the top left. That is when I hear her scream. **Her. **The very her I am here to bring back; alive and healthy. I look at her and I can't fight the terrible thoughts I think, she looks pathetic and frail. How the hell am I to bring her back healthy; I'd be damned if the girl has been healthy at all in the last two years. She looks about 60 to 80 pounds, bruised and cut. She has a large ugly scare going from her cheek, just below her eye down to her collar bone. And damn her screaming, it hurts my ears and I just want to shut her up. **I hate her and I don't know why. **I don't know her but I despise her. She is weak and her voice scares me. What is the point of her life? _

_Kabuto told me about her. She killed her mother, he said that the girl snapped one night and killed her. Her mother didn't deserve it, she was a kind woman and was only trying to protect her daughter. This girl killed her for some unknown reason. Afterwords, her father started to beat her and treat her like trash. He was disgusting too, before I killed him. Lying there silent in his own blood suits him. I smile up towards the girl and in a feeble attempt to run away she backs up all to quickly and falls to the ground. Next to her is another man, I think he may have been a friend or an uncle. _

_I now realize this is where the knife comes into play. I must have stabbed him, a few times too. Maybe 20 or 30 times at most. The entire incident is fuzzy to me. We came into the village and went straight to this house, Kabuto and I ran into trouble though, a few guards spotted us and attacked us. Kabuto said he would hold them off and told me to go get the girl. Next thing I know, the world is spinning, my vision fading in and out as I bash some mans head into a kitchen counter. **I am a monster. **The phrase runs through my mind as I continue to kill this man. A laugh escapes my mouth, and before I know it the sound wont stop. I finally stop once I hear another man cry out "Endso!" he cries out, "What have you done you psycho!" he lunges at me with a knife that was set on the counter next to a bunch of chopped vegetables. I quickly disarm him, breaking his right arm as I twist it behind his back. He cries out in pain but before the sound is even done with I reach around him and stab him in the heart. I kick his spazzing body to the side angrily, the continued movement irking me. I fall to my knees with a thud and continually stab into his chest. _

_After remembering this I look back to the trembling girl. I know my orders, they are to take this girl alive, but as I watch her frightened face I feel a sick need swell into my chest. What this girl has done makes me forget to care about myself. The way she tried to scatter away makes me feel like a predator, inching its way towards its injured prey simply to torture its mind. Her utter concern for nothing but herself brings a scowl to my face. Fuck the objective, I want to kill her; wrong, I need to kill her. Allowing her to grow up will only allow her to grow darker, sicker. She lacks the ability to care for others. I am sure this is part of the reason Orochimaru finds value in her. I smile to myself, this is the perfect way to show my absolute disloyalty to him, and in all honesty I feel as though I am saving this girl, from him and herself. _

_Decision made stand up before leaning down and grabbing the front of the dress that she is wearing. I bring her to the wall with a forceful shove, with my right hand I start to strangle her. Her eyes widen in terror and a rush of excitement flows through my entire being. I push into her jugular harder, pushing her higher onto the wall. I watch as her eyes slowly start to slide shut, a sense of relief starting to wash over me. **I am a monster. I am a monster. I am a monster and it feels right. I never want this feeling to end. I am in control. I am a monster but it is okay, this way I am free.** However, before her eyes can completely shut I am ripped away from her. I see her fall to the floor, holding her throat and gasping for air. _

_I start to panic, she is alive and I feel a sense of dread replace my previous excitement. All I can think to do is scream. I scream as loud as I can, without my permission my arms and legs start to flail in attempt to escape. I look behind my back quickly to see Kabuto restraining me. Anger fills me, swelling inside my chest, I scream louder, "LET ME GO, LET ME KILL HER. I NEED TO KILL HER." His hold on me only gets stronger, hurting me more. I am certain that I will be black and blue every where he is touching but I cannot find it in myself to care. Quickly my screaming becomes unintelligent sounding and desperate,"KILL HER! KILL! KILL! KILL! LET ME KILL! .KILL!" I slip from his grasps a little. _

_Kabuto grabs my face, covering my mouth in order to muffle my screams. He holds me with one leg, one hand harshly placed over my mouth. I feel a needle jab into my neck and quickly my vision blurs, my body slumps heavily against Kabuto's and the world fades to black. _

I must have been screaming in my sleep, for when I wake all three of the other people in the house are at my bedside, trying to shake me awake. I practically fly up in panic, almost knocking Shikaku to the floor. I gasp for air for a few seconds before attempting to regain normal breathing. I feel wet and warm, I must be sweating. So disgusting, I can feel it slowly drip down my forehead. Quickly though all these little things don't matter as the rush of emotions slam into me with more force than ever before. I let out a loud shaky sob, my hands slap over my mouth struggling to muffle the helpless flow of sobs and tears flooding out. I shake my head, stuttering as I try to talk, "I am...so...sorry." I eventually get out.

Embarrassed, I bring my knees up and stick my face in between, waiting out my cries; refusing to lift my head until they slow. When I finally look up, I see Shikamaru nod to his parents, they nod back, pat me on the shoulder sympathetically before exiting the room. As soon as the door closes Shikamaru is sitting on the bed next to my leg; his gaze boring into my eyes, concern apparent on his features.

"I'm fine, it was just a nightmare." I lie, I am not fine. That memory will haunt me forever, I am sure of it. However, I do not want to drag Shikamaru into this; I don't want him to know this part of me, I don't want him to know that somewhere deep inside I am a monster. I don't want him to hate me.

"Don't you dare lie to me Kaiko, _this,_" he gestures to me, more than likely towards the state I am in, "all of this is not fine. This is the second time I have caught you in the middle of a _'nightmare'_ and that screaming was definitely not okay. Heaven sakes Kaiko, I thought you were getting murdered."

"I...I'm sorry..." I stutter out, looking away from him and towards the floor.

He sighs, "Don't apologize for something you couldn't help." He says in a quieter tone and startles me by pulling me into a hug. My eyes widen and my heart jumps. This is the first time that I have actually hugged Shikamaru, he is warm and comfortable. I want to stay here forever.

As quickly as the hug happened it is over, he pulls away and looks away from me. Though, he sets his hand down close to mine, not touching it though; he stares at the floor boards as though they had suddenly become a game of shogi. He looks concentrated.

"You need to talk to someone about these nightmares." He says softly.

I nod, I know he is right, "I will." I say, my tone just as soft, "I promise I will."

"I'm always here, I'll listen." He offers, finally looking up at me again.

I smile weakly at him, "I'm not ready to tell you these things Shikamaru..." I trail off, "But thank you, I might tell you eventually." I finish.

He nods, "Who will you talk to then, Ino?"

"No, I want to talk to someone I'm not attached to. Are there psychologist here?" I ask timidly.

"Yeah there are, you'll just have to set up an appointment. I'd go ask Tsunade to help you, I'm sure she will send you to the best one we have."

"Thank you."

He simply nods. He gets up to leave and quickly I grab his wrist to stop him.

"Will you stay, at least until I fall asleep?" I ask, my voice is timid and barely above a whisper; a small blush forming on my cheeks.

He observes me for a few seconds before nodding. He kicks off this slippers and crawls behind me, lying down next to me above the covers. I smile, my mood slightly lightened by his modesty. He lets one arm lazily droop around my waist, not pulling me closer but just softly letting his arm rest against me. I close my eyes and snuggle deeper into my pillow, reveling in the feel of Shikamaru's strong holding me over the covers. I slowly relax and the need to sleep starts to come back to me.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"You're welcome, Kai." He whispers back.

"Goodnight Nara."

"Goodnight."

* * *

**Okay, so pretty short chapter but I figured I owed you lovely readers an update. **

**Whoa, honestly, even I didn't expect that nightmare/flashback scene to be that dark, but it just happened and I refuse to change it because it works so damn well with my plot. **

**I hope I gave you a good read about some of Kaiko's past and some development between her and Shika. **

**Reviews are always welcomed! (No seriously, they are like better than Christmas presents to me, I absolutely love hearing your thoughts about my writing.) **


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